I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, January 3, 2009

My eyes are fucking itchy!! DAMMIT!! *rub rub* No, Im not crying.

Ugh.

Let me live my life, my life, my life...Yes, Im just quoting Rihanna. Hahahahaha!

I am seriously in a love/hate relationship now.

Oh did I catch your attention? Hahahaha!

.....

No, seriously, do I have your undivided attention just to read the next few lines?

.....

You sure?

.....

Paying close attention?

.....

Am I getting on your nerves?

.....

Yes?

.....

Hahahahaha okay okay shut up Jane.

I am inna love/hate relationship with SATURDAY.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

Gawd. I love the fact that my skin gets to practice photosynthesizing for like 3 extra hours. Its like one of those things parents do, like take their kids to swimming lessons on weekends? Yeah well I let my skin photosynthesize on weekends.

Please note I wake at 6:45ish am on weekdays, well grandpa sunny aint even up yet, aka no photosynthesis can take place? Cause you know...sunlight is required to....yeah okay you get the point.

Yes well, I only get 3 extra hours instead of like 5, because my beloved mummy a real genius that she really is, honestly. Goes and buys YELLOW curtains. Yes, lemme repeat YELLOW. The colour of what? Lemme hear it? Yessssss, so true kiddies, THE FRIGGIN SUNLIGHT.

Besides getting 3 extra hours to sun tan in whatever sunlight without UV rays comes in, I tan easily, shhh. I have to go out. Yes again, as much as I love travelling with fragrant foreign workers, I love being Singaporean.

Patriotic? Hardly.

I hate being Singaporean. Stereotypes like: Kia Su, money-minded, unhappy with life, short(not that Im not, PSSHHH), weird accent, uncourteous, disrespectful and greedy.

Now now, c'mon people, does Jane look like she's any of the above? (Please answer if it's a "NO" if its a "YES" - show yourself the peace sign index down) huh...... Oh yeah....moving on.

Its not the country that I dont like, its the people. Gawd, we are seriously shitified. (If you'd like to listen to why, please tune in next time but not some time soon)

Omg. COOLIO! The score of me computerised game, Jane-96, Hero-94, Ashley-97, animal-97. HAHAHAHAHAHA! All the in 90's and hanging on to dear life. Omg. The next game will determine if I die or not! Shhhhh *waddles away and play*

*bangs head on the table profusely* Oh my gawdddd *whines*

Yes, I friggin lost. I swear the fucking queen is TOTALLY LESBIONIC. She keeps wanting to be on MY SIDE. Gawd. Should I turn straight while playing then turn back to bi when Im not playing?!

*mumbles*

I love the song Rehab by rihanna. For the first time, my mind + my heart + my self agree that this song speaks what we are feeling. Every line of the song is exactly what each organ feels. OH INSOMNIA by Craig David is the shit!! OMG OMG OMG!!

Well both are clashing songs, just like my feelings now, they clash.

One side of me feels, that I need/want/must have my drug. That side is likka weak minded me who cant stop smoking, fucking faggot. The other side of me, says that I can live without this drug. That side is likka resistant minded me who can pull myself together and say no, fucking cheerio.

My hero please kill me, and spare me the pain.




Friday, January 2, 2009

"You gonna be my shining star?"

Live your life by T.I. feat Rihanna, duh, shit.

Wrote something for someone today, but I didnt give it. Why? Because that person worths so much more to me.

Oh! Move on to something erbardy can understand.

CSAS impromtu speech.

I wouldnt say its bad cause I am alright talking in fronna people and I come from SAC. Where talking in front of people is nothing out of the ordinary. But I did blank out.

BESIDES, being comfortable talking to a room fulla people. My subject was the shit *GRINS*
Sex education! HAHAHHHA! Okay, perv alert here. But Imma clean perv, I respect girls. HAHAHAH! Yes, I wasnt given enough time for my slow brain to think of reasons but hell. Its called impromtu for a reason no? Hahahha!

I wanna ask you people something, is it bad when someone comes up to you and says "why do you stare at (..........) differently?"

Jane's brilliant answer: uh......huh? Do I look at (.......) differently? My friend what, why cannot look at the person? Got ah? I dont know, I dont have anything for that person.

People, Jane doesnt like anyone new.

HEARTS! Omg. That game is the shit! Stayed back in school to play hahahaha! No you idiots who are lagging, I didnt stay back for sam. =.=

Was playing for awhile, then like before the last game, I totalled the scores, Jane:64/Manfred:63.

Jane screams: OH my fuck! Im winning!! Shit!!
Everyone laughs: ha ha ha ha!

*plays last round*

Jane screams again: YAY! IM LOSING TO MANFRED!

Scores: Anthea-31, Lucky-42, Jane-64, Manfred-76. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Last round I along with my girlFRIENDS bombarded pokky's with hearts. HAHAHAHAH! HE LOST!

*Jane being a bitch, scribbles "HA HA HA HA. LO-SER!" next to pokky's score* HAHHAH!

Oh my. Yes, Imma bitch. Hahahhaaha!

I cant play the card game bullshit for nuts. Really. Go ask Anthea, poks, lucky, miley....they'll tell you the same thing. "Jane you suck at lying." Uh yeah...I dont know whether to go crawl into elmo's corner and cry or like say thanks? Hahaha!

The only games Im not too BAD at are like, Tai di and poker.

OHOHOH! Crashed Freehand drawing with sherie and anthea today. GAWD. Its so fucking interesting! Either way, I had two of the easiest people to talk to, to talk to me for a hour plus? HAHAHAHAHA! It was entertaining. Hell, Immo take freehand drawing next sem! At least I put it first. HAHAH!

Speaking of Sherie, the Candy Monster to Jane's poor candy. Hahahaha! Sherie was like attacking me sweeties): HAHAHA! No luh, she likes it, so she can have it(:

After so much whining, where the fuck is my hero?! Gawd. If you come back to me now, please. I need you more than ever, I miss you badly, I want you like no other. Wait, whose the hero? Ugh.

ASHLEY GREENE GET IN MY BED. Just like my soft toys! Join 'em! Hahahahaha!

Okay. Tomorrow is a new day, and I have to meet a veggie and her crazy clique for lunchy! Oh yippie. Hahahahhahahaah!

Sweet dreams.




Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thats enough Jane, enough.

Enough of hugging your knees, enough.

Enough of looking at the ground, enough.

Enough of wishing, enough.

Enough of enough, enough.

This is a bad dream, a bad bad dream, wheres my hero. The hero died. I want my hero to come back and save my day, save me. Sucha fucking faggot Jane. Leave you to stand by yourself and your overcomedededed by emotions.

OH HEY!

Hahahahha! Yes, I was talking to myself, its like Im talking to myself here anyway. Its not like much people read my whiney blog anyway.

Oh! Went to Clarke Quay. Yes, partied at the club for the filipino maids. No, I didnt get to see much bangalas. *cry* Hahahahaha! WHAT THE FUCK. Im just kidding whicha, on both counts. I didnt go to filipino maid's hang out and I did see a whole train load of bangalas.

Watched candy being made *GRINS* it was defo a novelty for like 5mins, the other 10mins was like "omg. What the hell did I get myself into?". Bought a whole bunch too! Tomorrow gonna let my buddies try. Raspberry Lemonade flavour! Janey and mina gobbled up like 1/2 of it already. HAHAHAH!

The Central is TOTALLY BORING. Gawd. $5.20 for bar chor me. What the fuck man. I go market can get like $2.50 can get 2 bowls plus an extra fishball for the price of one. Not that I actually care whether I get my extra fishball...PSSHHH.

I thought I had a lot of things to say. I thought I wanted to say a lot of things. But now all I can say is....

"Take your sweet sweet time, I will be here when you change your mind."

oh no! I copyrighted from Jesse McCartney. Hahahahaha!! Del Sim sarcastically says "Ooops?"

Busy Busy Busy Busy. Everybodies' so busy busy busy busy with HPI.

I hate to say this but, why is it always Anthea and I pulling the load? Every fucking time. Gawd. Im getting dam sick and tired of this already. Everyone only wants to the do the "fun" part. Draw, make, design, what the fuck happened to the INFO?! Enough Jane, enough.

I so so tired. All I want is to sleep with your smell lingering in my nose, close my eyes and savour every single millisecond of it. How can I be so masochistic.

By all means stop me.

By the way, I am really sorry for this late post. I had a few last minute, really last minute shit pop in my face.

My soundtrack is my mood, for now. Its BSB fad-ist crazy mania.

Take you sweet time by Jesse McCartney
Incomplete, I still, More than that, Show me the meaning of being lonely, What makes you different by BSB
Think of me by David Archuleta
Heartless by Kanye West
Right now by Akon




Wednesday, December 31, 2008

HOLYSHIT ONNA PLATER!!

HO HO HO. Today I fucking stayed back in school til 12pm just fo BMIC tut. Best thing. THERE WAS NO FUCKING TUTORIAL, JUST COLLECT THE FUCKING TEST PAPER. No, Jane totally is cool bout that. PSHHH I just missed .... *mumbles something*

Played HEARTS(no I dont play with hearts). Fucking addicktive luh. Its more addicktive than bloody alcohol(not literally). One round after the other, just keep playing and playing. Couldnt stop. Hahahaha! I gamble and drink. Totally healthy lifestyle I'd say, totally.

Spent my whole afternoon with lanzy, wondering around aimlessly, lemme stress, aimlessly. Yes, I did. But its always fun. Fucking funny piece of veggie.

I just want to apologise to my church buds for ditching you guys tonight, its fun and all. But I seem to want my alone time. Its fucking last day of 2008, my favourite year since 2003, I just want to savour whats left of it, please.

On further thought, I think Imma stay at home. Home gives me, fuzzy feelings, alcohol(ribena), peace and quiet, and no fucking sticky ass clowns screaming their lung's mucus lining out into my face.

Sorry church buddies and sorry piggy-manda-sheryl-JY and lastly, sorry bacardi breezer you have to be in 7-11 for a little while longer.

*goes away and msg my ass off, coming up with fucked up excuses (i.e. I got diarrohea.)* hahahaha!

Besides, I wanna watch little Nyonya. I just started watching yesterday and Im hooked. HAHAHAH! Laugh go on, laugh. Its nice okay! OH THE NOOSE IS FUCKING HILARIOUS. I watched and laughed my ass off.

WARNING. LONGER POST AHEAD. If you people got nothing to do then continue to read, if you need to take a shit. Please do it first.

I decided to cancel my plans and dedicate this sincerely to the people I type this for. PSHHH even me, needs me personal time and I figured, while everyone is out, I'll stay home and snuggle up with myself(:

2008. I will always smile on this year, even if I've fought with some of my bestests, flared up at gay guys, insulted picodicks, got glared at by lians, fell for the girl of my dreams(yes Im bi), made 4new besties, endured heart-wrenching moments, enjoyed some wild shit.

And they said I was a wild child, I started out a whimp in the beginning of the year, dreading it as I left secondary school, not wanting 2008 to start at all. Gawd I wish I could turn back time and relived those moments and not take them for granted. Im sorry.

Well lets not talk about picodick or the lianz, if you like, the previous post says it all. Your glares made me realise how ignorant this world can be, thank you. But I cant say I love you thou, cause I dont.

4 new besties, Anthea, Miley, Poks and lucky. You've made 2008 a really fun and entertaining year for me. All our drunk escapades, weird shopping adventures, crazy truth&dares, gut-droppingly hilarious inside jokes and most of all THE WORST UNGLAM MOMENTS JANE LEE HAS EVER ENDURED, from witnessing me prancing around into the doors to tripping head first into glass notice boards. Last but never least, being there for me to spill inner secrets. Life would never be the same without you buggers witnessing my MOST UNGLAM MOMENTS OF KODAK HISTORY. I love you all, one and only's. *tries to go mushy and fails flat* Hahahaha!

To my existing besties and buddies, Lanzy, Janey, piggy, sheryl, lisbeth, lesley, matt, and beloveds. I cannot thank you enough for giving me a shit time on my birthday and for the years before and after 2008. The amount of things I'd do for you people are endless.

To lanzy my crazy ass partner in all sorta crimes, from mugging ME of money to training for 2.4 and running slower than mrs tay's GRANDMOTHER to fucking $5(exc GST) soup, you've never failed to put a smile on my face. HAHAHAHAH! I love you.

To piggy, my outrageous char siew. What would the char siew bao duo be without the char siew? HAHAHA just another bao you'd find. You've been outside of A. Lim's class with me along with lanzy for 6months(no kidding) and we still managed to snag a distinction in SOCIAL STUDIES for O's to laugh it off in A.Lim's face. I love you.

To Janey, though we drifted from sec3 to 4-ish. You'd still be my caring lil angel. And I'd gladly endure your daily mood swings, hahahahha! Bet me to my bottom dollar you will "TSK MIANZY!" at me tomorrow. Thats after you read this. I love you.

To sheryl, dont worry, I will "mai sia lan ah bao!" HAHAHAHA! You've made me laugh so hard when you diss janel. HAHHAHA! "Janel ah you look rather... *pause for 5secs* rather ugly today." Omg. The times that will go down in MOST BLUNT disses history. I love you.

To lisbeth, fucking dicky dickensen. HAHAHA fucking hilarious luh sec4. Glad your my shit buddy in CHINESE with LI LAO TER(inside joke) breathing down our necks, "Lee Jia Hui he Ng Min Er ni men bu yao gen wo wan wan ah! Wo send ni men que RTC!(trans: Lee Jia Hui and Ng Min Er you both dont come and play play with me ah! I send you to RTC!-retard/recreational/redundant thinking classroom-aka detention)" HAHAHAH! I love you

To lesley, you are more than just another guy friend, heck call yourself my "boy-friend" for all I care. You are the best guy friend and girl could ask for, cept if you'd just stop calling me YELLOW RANGER and a QUEER-METRO-BISEXUAL(wtf does it mean again?) DAMMIT! RAWR! HAHAHAH! I love you.

To matt, you motherfucking piece of horseshit. HAHAHAHAH! Nothing more to say than your advice is likka girl. "YOU GAY?!" HAHAHAHAH! No no you really did give me solid advice even though I knew you hated the idea of me being gayish. You were still my friend true til the very end, for that, I love you.

PARENTS:

You guys have been the best parents any child could ask for. No matter how many cold wars I wage against you two old folks. You never failed to leave me alone, you never failed to care, you never let me use my handphone at the dinner table. HAHAHAHA! Like you once told me, "normal-not-famous parents like ourselves, we cant leave behind big names or historic imprints. The only thing that we truely leave behind in this world, are our children. Children that will one day mould the future generation, and that before we leave this earth, our children will be able to stand with their two feet and make a difference in this world, with values and virtues that will one day be handed down to the next generation." No one in history has ever been able to move me as well as my parents, not literally luh but you know what I mean. They mean the world to me, they are the only ones I have. People, dont take your parents for granted, you only have one father and one mother, no one else could ever fill their shoes. I love you now and forever.

Throughout 2008, 2 people crushed my world. One was so close to me, it hurt. The other was equally important, but it was a mutual parting I guess. Just so you know, your words were like knives piercing my heart, every word you spat at me was as painful as it was before. But no worries, Im stronger, I SURVIVED it aisoku. You look likka fucking hobo(homeless bum) now idate! What happen to the hairstyle I did for you?! LOL Thank you and I love you, you made a whole new person, its hard to be jealous of any guy after you. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Honest man, you are the perfect boyfriend for any girl but me. I will keep my promise to you dear one.

And last but never least, girl of my dreams. They say the first is most precious, and I fully agree with that. First girl. You've given me memories that no boy can come anywhere close to. You made smiling easy and breathing hard. In a sense, you've fill that lil piece I've been missing out all this time. But I guess as time went by, we both figured that "crazy love" didnt really exist. Hahahaha! You did something for me, you helped me achieve, "Get the girl of your dreams" striked off the list of things to achieve before I die. Thank you(: I love you bum.

2009 wants:

New chucks, attempt to study harder by actually doing the homework, get ashley greene in my bed- eh in my bed doesnt mean anything BAD(!!), show compassion and understanding-afterall thats all Ethel Koh(teacher) wants Jane to be LOL, get me my new ipod, continue to love my friends-all of them, and last of all, be happy, for happiness can be found in all places.

This is a poem for no one in particular. So its not italized or red.

Learn to treasure what you have.

Where my tears use to fall,
Now my drool conquers it all.
The pain I use to feel,
Its now starting to heal.

The sun will always shine,
For you my face will too anytime.
There is nothing to fear,
I will always be here.

Everyday that passes,
I will live it to the fullest.
There will always be a tomorrow,
So let go of the sorrow.

If you should ever fall,
Just know I’ll be with you through it all.
Even when the world abandons you,
Let the light shine through for you.

There will be no mountain too high,
no ocean too wide,
no obstacle too hard,
For me to be by your side.

You have a little place in my heart,
Your my precious pop tard.
Delicious all around and warm inside,
Something so hard to fight.

Teach me the measure of love.

Soundtrack:

Take your sweet time by Jesse McCartney

Hate(I really dont like you) by Plain white T's

To self: I love the time we spent alone, I think I'd like some peace and quiet now love. My brain, heart, spleen and tolerance needs to recover. I love you.




Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Gawd I have no school and Im bored shitless. *goes hysterical* This is the kinda shit, school helps me kill. Boredom. Then again, its just my chummy-assed friends that get me through me day.

Yes, Im pathetic.

Remind me again why I have no school? Ohh yes! The fucking teacher only gives us EIGHT lessons. Ridiculous, I know.

I have one burning question on this topic. Just one. Usually I ask a lot, only if Im fascinated. I am fascinated with this topic.

How someone can achieve dumbfuck status like Johnson? I seriously wanna try it before I die, it impeccable how dumbfuck-ish he can be.

I mean I dont understand how when he initiates the break, then he tell his ex that all he ever said was a lie. And then coupla days later, he comes back sobbing or whatever it is that he does, telling his ex he wants back in. Now thats pathetic. Shows that this motherfucker doesnt think.

I need to find a stronger word for pathetic. My brothers' would call that ball-less. In my sense, a less testosteronic term, weak.

Im this close to slapping that freak of a lian. The amount of glaring is killing my sanity. Have her glare at me one more time, I do crazy things when Im angry. Plus the amount of alcohol Im lacking in my system is making me even more cranky.

I sounded mean didnt I? I will not apologize to her nor sympathise, I forgive your glares but that dont mean I sympathise. *acts likka heartless asshole that I am*

Riddle me this then riddle me that.

I cant keep lying to myself,
But I dont want to put you on the shelf.
If this is what we'll ever be,
then this is what you'll only see.

Please remove the knife,
from my heart.
So that I can carry on with life,
I hate this part.

I cant let this pain go,
Because I know I wont feel you anymore.
Please help me forget,
But dont let me do that.

Pathetic, Im losing my rhyme. Hahahaha! I was reading a lil black book I wrote in, and tada! Hahahaha! Everything was just pieced together, all the words in the poem, were words from this lil black book.

Yes, Im addickted to "You are not alone" by Michael Jackson. Gawd, now that songs makes me feel chummy inside out. I'd play it to you to make up for lost time. Rather emo-emo if you listen to it for too damn long. HAHAHAHAHAH! BUT BUT BUT "heartless" by kanye west is the shit too.

Enough of technology! I am going back to novels!

".... wish I could...."




Monday, December 29, 2008

Radical behavior.

No no not mine not mine. Imma nerd remember? Yes. Jane doesnt do anything radical remember? Say NO to alcohol, say YES to books!!

Oh school, if only you were cool and I wasnt a fool. This is tomfoolery.

Oh was having lunch with anthea and lucky. And we're talking about personal stuff, hahaha, well most of our talks are rather deep and personal.

Anthea's theory: Your in love with the idea of being in love and not love itself.

My head is throbbing. Its like something mentally whacked my head into the door or something. Is it that obvious?

Lanzy asked before even talking to me, nina asked me in a 2 part question but the other question had no relation to this, and another person walked pass me forgot that person's name.

Speaking of lanzy! omg. omg. omg. I asked her to buy me a Heineken beer shirt from Bangkok. She comes back with a "HIGH-AGAIN" beer shirt. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! I was la-mao-ing my ass off this morning. I love it!

As promised *kicks lanzy in the ass* for getting me tees! *grins*

OH NEW YEAR's in like...2 or 3 days! COOLIO NO? No. Yes, okay I understand.

Okay I really have nothing more to say or at least I cant remember what I wanted to say.

Random topic: Michael Jackson.

The man's a legend in my music world, songs like, Billy Jean, black or white and you are not alone, are like chart toppers dudes and dudettes. But man does he do weird-assed nose jobs. I like him when he was black.

Another random topic: Ashley Greene.

Drool-worthy.

Another random thing: I thought I had an answer, a solid answer. Okay maybe I think I dont have an answer, Im sorry.

Soundtrack:
Your guardian angel by Red jumpsuit apparatus
Here in my heart by Plus one
Say all I need by OneRepublic
9 crimes by Damian Rice
Wishing on a falling star by LFO
Circle by Marques houston




Sunday, December 28, 2008

School starts tomorrow and Jane still feels like partying with ma party people! Where ma party people at? *looks around and sees piss drunk wasted people sloshed all over the place* Oh there they are!

Well me going to party with ma party people on wednesday night bitches! YEAHHH!

Oh happy or happy am I now? Lanzy returned to Singapo yesterday-O! YAY-O! Hahaha! And the tiger airways people lost her bag -.- thats one pissed off bimbo alright. Dont worry lanzy we'll go hunting fo yo bras soon! HAHAHAHHA *ducks for cover behind the couch*

FEAR OF FLY FEAR OF FLYING FEAR OF FLYING FEAR OF FLY IS THE SHITS!

Dont make me gush! HAHAHA iiezx lurbzx tishhhiezz songzz beriix muchiexx*!!* Oh my gawd, Jane! What the fuck. Please for gawd sake CONTROL YOURSELF!

hahahahahaha!! Fuck up.

Oh Oh! For your health sake, please dont eat dao huay with pearl/buble/that black thing in bubble tea... yes yes dont! Omg. *Does a reenactment of gagging* Okay it isnt that bad, but it isnt good either. Okay wait...I have high standards fo food just like me dad, ohhh! Thats where I get the anal gene from! Oh the pieces fit! Hallelujah.

You know something. My internet is screwed inside out. Omg. *throws tantrum* I swear its the end of me. *points to the internet and exclaims "Stop fucking up you fucked up piece of saggy donkey ass! Gawd what do I pay you for huh?! Dammit!!". Continues to fume*

Im so angry my IQ dipped by 1 point to -1 now so until I can recall what I wanted to type here, Ill end here. Til then or never again.

Is forgiveness too much to ask? Will it be too hard to forgive?

"Patience is a virtue, my love"