I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Setting you free now(: Go home fat one go home.

Painful. Losing someone you love.

Woke up to a bad feeling in my gut, my lungs hurt when I breathed in, my body ached, my head was throbbing, my eyes were as dry as the sahara and my temple felt as thou I got whacked in the head with a brick. I couldnt sit up on my bed, I couldnt explain why I felt this way, all I did was lie there; motionless, speechless and thoughtless. After what seemed to be eternity, I forced my arms to get me up, went down stairs(teeth brushed and all).

Then something weird happen, all the aching was lost after I stepped off the last step, but my knees went soft and I ended up sitting on the last step, I wondered why I had no control over what I just did. Had my breakfast, while having my breakfast, the right side of my temple hurt like no fucking hell so naturally my head was tilted to the right as I rubbed it to ease the pain which didnt stop. I looked and I saw fattyboy(my hamster) struggling to the front of the cage. He seemed as weak as I was, grappling with my temple and going over to his cage was hard! Sat in front of the cage and picked it up, and my heart broke the moment I saw him.

His face looked like a decrepited sickly thing and he looked at me with those black eyes. My eyes burned as I looked at someone I loved being tortured. He percariously crawled(literally) to the front of the cage to greet me which his does everytime when I get home and take him outta the cage to play with him. My eyes and arms became so heavy it hurt to move. At the front of the cage, fattyboy just plonked himself there, the bludge under his throat had grown bigger, the swelling on his back was more visible. I gently picked him up which he gave me a pained look and closed his eyes ans slept in my hands. He looked so peaceful, so I stroked him for what might've been the last time, he struggled to turn to use the back part of my palm as his pillow so I relaxed that muscle to make the pillow a comfy one. I used my thumb to scratch his belly which he use to have but it seemed to have disappeared, lol, the fat guy used my thumb as his bolster. I smiled to myself as I realised he could be so cute even when he was hurting. A tear fell onto my thumb and the fat one seemed to hav drank it. LOL. He fiddled abit then went back to sleep.

I watched as his little body went up and down, the movement slowed as time went on, as I watched him sleep, all the memories of him playing with me and biting my brothers flood my head. He used to put both his hands on the cage walls, sorta wanting a hug. When I'd take out the food, he'd run around his bowl then jump into it and wait for me to pour food in. When I'd remove his water bottle to go refill, he'd literally sit on his fat ass and patiently wait for me to come back. When I'd put him in his roller ball while I cleaned his cage, he never fails to sit beside me and watch me clean his poopoo(he's prolly laughing at me going "HA! I made some fresh brownies for you Jane! Hope you lik em!") When I had a bad day, I'd come home feeling annoyed and ranting to him, he'd just sit on the wheel and listen to me talk with both ears fully up, of course it was like hearing a radio(he had snacks in his throat pouches which he ate as I talked).

Now he's dying, and Im watching him suffer the last few hours. I have to admit, this is the worst feeling I've ever had. Watching someone you love suffer in front of you and not being able to help whatsoever. I should've done more, I should've brought him to the vet 2 weeks ago when I spotted the lump in his throat, I should've been paying more attention to him this whole week while I was paying so much attention to other things, I shouldn't have just abandon the poor guy to suffer all alone, I shouldn't have been so neglectful and taken him for granted. I've lost someone(not something) that meant so much to me, I feel likka crumpled piece of paper, how could I have left him? I how I have been so ungrateful?

Soon this sadness will turn into angry and even hate, so I must and I will let go of him, I want to keep all his cute memories. And I will see him again. When I do, I'l never let him go(:

God is fair, honestly I will happily accept the punishment of pain, I deserve it. I just have one thing to ask of You, please let his pain stop, I dont want him to hurt anymore, he has suffered far too much! Let him join you in heaven(: He's been the best pet a lazy/neglectful/ungrateful/lousy owner could ever have. I love him and I dont want to see him hurt anymore! I already told the poor fat one that he can let go now, Im here with him, and Your waiting for him on the other side. Take care of him no?(':