I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, February 28, 2009

What goes around, comes around. What goes up must come down.

-Karma by Alicia Keys

"Your tears fall around me, your words bounce right off me, your snares dont affect me. Until you realise I dont give a shit about you, will you finally see your nothing to me. Im so over you crying. Im so over you shouting at me. Im so over you begging. Im so over you."

Who said that? Hahahaha! Heartless right? HAHAHAHA! To think I know this person so well too.

Dont worry, I'll see her soon *GRINS* Patience is my virtue.

CIAO!

God please keep her safe from harm.




Friday, February 27, 2009

If thats it, then so be it. I gave up saving our relationship last year, I was trying to save our friendship. But it's alright I dont think either of us will die without being friends no? Hahaha!

I believe you know who she is already.

Hahahaha! True, with that much spelling errors, its hard to believe either of us understood it. But our grammar should be better than the lianz. I does not thinks it are that bad la.

Communication. We did talk, just not about us. Come to think of it, the lianz got top place, I dont remember a meal we had without bastarding her. HAHAHAHA!!

I never doubted that you could get mophair on your own accord. Naturally I thought you might have wanted to know more, I guess that was my bad.

I guess it is better if we just stay away for the time being. Hmm... we both need the time away. I ask nothing of you.

And, Im sorry in advance because I wont be there if you should fall, touch wood luh *pats poks head and grins* HAHAHAH! But thanks(not sarcastic) for not getting angry.

YOSH! Its finally over and everyone can stop breathing down each other's necks.

OH MY GAWD. Today was hilarious! Lanzy kept bugging me to do some quiz on FB. About school life. HAHAHAHA! All sacians that did it, I laughed my ass off luh. Friggin' retarded.

Been talking to anthea since 2pm about her. HAHAHAH! Fuckin' adorable man! Speaking of which, I have yet to complete my masterpiece! Omg both of us pray she isnt a narrow-minded person.

Shit! We've been concentrating on planning for the BBQ!! HAHAHAHA Oh my gawd, it gonna be FUN. HAHAHAHAHA! As in wild fun kinda shit. We've got gays planning the food, crazy people planning the games, as usual, no party that Jane co-host that doesnt have ALCOHOL.

When you have good friends, good food, good memories, good alcohol, you get a good time.

CIAO!

God please keep her safe from harm.




Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I apologise for those who wont understand a thing I say below. Especially you Janey, I know you complain to lanzy that you dont understand what I type. Hahahaha! Im hearing you Janey.

Why do you keep thinking Im against you? I am at my wits end, trying to persuade you that Im not against you.

Lets start of on the right footing here okay? Wouldnt want any sam-lillian-mophair misunderstanding again now would we?

If my words seem to flatter you and you start rolling your eyes, stop and wait til your calm again.

I am agitated not angry not upset but extremely calm. I assure you from the bottom of my heart, I mean no bad intent. My emotions are mixed with my words. Dont misunderstand.

Everything I write here are honesty right to the root of the words. I've chosen them with great consideration.

Number1.
What my friends say isnt what Im thinking. I dont think you have a black heart. I dont give a fuck what they say, why wont you understand? They dont know what I know, they dont feel as I feel.

Number2.
I didnt accuse you of cheating. I HONESTLY just wanted to know IF WHAT MY FRIENDS SAID were TRUE. If I sounded as though I was self righteously accusing, Im sorry I meant no accusational intent.

Number3.
What have I done to "punish" you? Have you HEARD or SEEN me call you a BITCH/EVIL/BLACK HEARTED/COLD HEARTED/DERANGED/CRAZY? That was the first time I got angry in your face. Show me some face luh... Im human too, I get angry even if I seem emotionless on the surface.

Number4.
Everytime your angry, I ask you what happen. Because I understand you like everyone else needs attention so Im giving it to you. If my attention was what you wanted, you had it. You want it, you can have it.

But it wasnt my attention you wanted, you wanted mophair girl's attention, that I know, so I do what I can, when I do notice her, I call you, I text you, for you. Tell me who would do that for someone who broke their heart? Would you honestly do that for me, if I broke your heart? I dont know about you, but it takes me a lot of my courage to do that. I dont need you to say thank you for that, I just want to you be happy.

Number5.
I dont look down at you, what makes you think I care whether you are rich or poor? If I really cared whether I had to pay for all the dinners, I wouldnt even bother asking you out. But paying for dinner is nothing, I am trading money and chicken to show you that I will be there for you. When I said no matter how much shit you fling at me, I will still be your friend, I meant every single word right down to the connotations.

Number6.
I AM CRITICAL. I am totally overprotective of you and my heart. I know you stand up for me, I know you cared deeply, I know you loved me, but I never got the chance to thank you. So my gifts to you were how I could express myself. I know you cry, I know you feel sad, I know I cant fill the gap, but I try to be the friend you need. I try to shield you from the unpleasant things in life, tried to tell you my past, tried to let you see what I saw so you wont feel the pain that I had to go through.

I was so overprotective of you, almost to the point I felt miserable when I read that you were in pain when you smoked. I wouldnt say I was the most caring partner you could have, but I tried to be the best person I could. I didnt even want to see a scratch on you, I realised that I couldnt do that. I couldnt hug you when you needed a hug, thats why I stood there with open arms and ears, and I am still standing here, but if you dont need me, then I wont linger.

Number7.
If you really think that badly of me, think that I like to see you in pain. Then nothing I say can change that, and Im sorry. My words are as good as my intentions. I am my words, all my friends dont doubt me because I stay true to what I say. My words are my bond. I have nothing to hide, my cards are on the table, I dont believe in being secretive, I dont believe in lying to people I love.

The nun in my school told me something, something I hold dear to my heart. Integrity, its the thing that makes us stand out from the rest of the world. It makes us different from the rest.

Number8.
If we keep getting angry at each other, this friendship wont be able to make it. What makes you think I dont want you as my friend? Hell, I want you as my friend. Persistence, I am a pest, I will be here if you need me because I dont judge my friends, I love them. I understand that friends come with good times, they also come with bad ones, they are only human.

Maybe you couldnt believe that my heart is that earnst or my intentions that good. I am not self righteous, I am flawed I know that, but I do what I can to make up for it. I believe that honest questions merit honest answers.

Im not the victim in this story, neither are you because, to me, our story was the victim. I was too dam critical and anal, our story was miamed. You regretted everything you did with me, our story was miamed. Im sorry to our story, that it had to end so soon, too soon and it was blamed, cursed, and spat at.

But everything can be saved. The best times are still kept in my heart, without bitterness.

Last.
When we broke, I could've chose to be bitter or sweet. I chose to be sweet, take the good times for the good times and forget the bad times. Which did you pick love?

God, please keep her safe from harm.




See how frustrating it is when you're accused of something that isnt true?

Welcome to my world.




Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Tomorrow is the last day babyyyy!!! However, I wont get to see her til school starts. That's fucked up.

Shit, Im so free, I'll write you a long one! (:

Oh! I was watching this korean show, "The good the bad the weird" HAHAHAHA! OH MY GAWD. Its friggin' hilarious!! Jung Woo-Sung's got a bloody sexy voice man!!

Enter my head for awhile.

How do you make a choice? I've always known what I wanted. I've almost always know how to attain it.

I've always done whatever I pleased, but now, I cant. I feel suffocated, is it wrong to chase after happiness? But everytime I reach for the happiness I want, I hurt someone.

Is it selfish for me to do what Im doing? Gawd its getting more and more painful to look into your eyes, your face changes when you see me.

My eyes give me away so I wont allow myself to look at you for long. Just forgive me until we talk again, there are things I have to tell you before my guilty consciences buries me alive.

Okay! That's just about the things that run through my head. Get out.

Lesley got me thinking, bout the question in bold(below). Because someone called him shallow. For Ley, dont let what they say get you down buddy!

How do you measure a person's depth? If its how much a person talks or expresses oneself, then thats bullshit. Its true I dont open up much, I am a cold person but Im not shallow Im childish. People only call me shallow because they dont understand me, when they dont understand me they dont accept me.

Must you understand someone to accept that they are like this? If your answer is yes, I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, heck I'd help you! It's true I dont know how it feels to be alone, I've always had friends by my side, and theres not a day that goes by that I dont thank God.

I've had 3 people in my life who has told me they dont know how to express themselves, and 2/3 of them are my exes. HAHAHA! People call me crazy, all they say is "you're stupid to pick these kinda people" but this is to those who said that to me, "You are fucking shallow, too shallow to wanna dig deep and find out why their like this. *points the middle finger* Your even shallower for scrutinizing them."

Both of them are brilliant people, and adorable in their own way too. HAHAHAHA! So all Im saying is, no one's shallow, let alone call my friend shallow! Say that to my face, *push up invicible sleeves* yo mamma wont recognise you when Im done.

When you wanna wipe the dirt outta other people's eyes, wipe the dirty outta your eyes first.

HAHAHHA WHOA JANE. The intellectual depth is amazing! HAHAHAHHA! Well I am know for pulling this sorta shit on people when they ask me fo help.

CIAO! My eyes want to read CELL DEATH *poor sound effects* DAN DAN DANNNNNN

God, please keep her safe from harm and keep her out of trouble.




Monday, February 23, 2009

Jane(me): chicken egg.
Long kang(drain): 14marks.

Neuro, neuro, your sucha fucking asshOle, neuro. Nevermind.

My head was throbbing, my eyes were practically closed, my arm muscle seems to like to contract while writing, absolutely perfect. Amidst the blur wreck, there she sat, perfectly like my little angel.

I swear, if she gave me a hug, everything would be alright.

I just had to fall asleep, just when she was walking. I am a summa cum laude fucking idiot. Nevermind.

What would she say if she knew I went drinking the day before exams. Fussing over me like Im a lil kid, scolding me for neglecting my studies but giving me a hug because she cared. I hope she scolds me, I want her to scold me, let me know she cares.

Stop fucking daydreaming Jane, snap back to reality, theres math to study for.

MATHS! VARIANCE will save me! HAHAHAH! Oh fuck it, I shall go study! I bewilder even myself.

Reminiscing. Was flippin' through pictures and I love this picture.



All of my secondary school buddies, those who I can depend on, protected me from the "OMG JANE LIKES -------- AH?!" RIDICULOUS! I was straight in secondary school!! HAHAAHAHA!

Either way I love the loud mouth duo, sheryl and piggy. Shit. I'd hate to see anyone go up against them. LANZY! Just like sheryl and pig, theres the bread and veggie duo. When you combine 4 of them, even teachers cant control us.

HAHAHAH! MS WENDAAAAAY! HAHAHAH!

Ms Wendy: Jaaaane why arent you doing maths?
Jane: I scared.
Ms Wendy: Scared of what?
Jane: The question.
Ms Wendy: Theres no need to be scared, come class lets do it together.
*Jane and lanzy LMAOs*
Ms Wendy: KAREN! Come to the front and sit!
Karen: eeehh!! Jane was laughing too!!
Ms Wendy: No you come to the front. Come here Karen Thomas.
*Jane burst out laughing and nearly falling off the chair*
Ms Wendy: Jane why arent you doing maths?
Jane: I scared.
Sheryl: Aiyuh mianbao! shuddup luh!
*pig, sheryl, janey, jane, janal, kailan, burst out laughing*

OH MY GAWD. The good oh days of crapping around. Well its not like I dont still do it, cept now its with miley, poks and anthea.

CIAO! Math is calling!

God please keep her safe from harm, I will break those who hurt her.




Sunday, February 22, 2009

God loves me so much, He made it rain, in the afternoon, while Im studying....I want to ZzZzZzZzZzzzz...

Gawd, I feel so tired. Oh He loves me too much alright. Hahahaha! Nevermind, tonight I wont get the chance to study, so better get it down now!

RAWR! I am friggin' going to drop neurophy. I know the main question is going to come out onnit. Yader yader. Hell, my hepatic, renal and circulatory is strong enough to get me my C. I think.

Counting down til 4pm. Anyone wanna count with me? Hahaha!

Oh I was listening to mass today. Shocker, I know-.- The priest made sense, it totally applies to me now. "Be sympathetic and help. Wish no evil of a person, but take pride in wishing good for others."

This is what I will do. If I need to change my ways for the better! RAWR! *remembers what anthea's be-more-sensitive guide say*

CIAO! HPI is getting jealous, my notes look like someone puked it out after eating a ton of peas.

God, please keep her safe from harm. I cant bear to see an ounce of pain in those eyes.

ADD ON! Dont be offended, old man jones is spilling out here.

I practically cannot think straight now. HAHAHAHA! And I have a strong feeling Im going to sit for hpi with a hangover. I had a dam fun time at .... party.

Lesley was singing me this line he wants to sing to all his exes "Truth be told I missssssssss you, truth be told Im lyyyyyyyyyying."

Ley's relationship motto, "The only way to not give a shit, is to give shit."

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Im sorry, I found it really funny. See the parts with extra alphabets....yeah he stressed onnit! HAHHAAH! DAM GUT-DROPPINGLY HILARIOUS. With that toot face of his.

And people ask me why I dont fall for him even though Im that close to him. HAHAHAHHA! I have to be on some really strong drugs, high outta my skull, and shot dead before I say YES. HAHAHAH!

GET WELL SOON BUDDY! You frucking idiot, do that to me one more time, I swear you wont be lying on a hospital bed, you'd be inna frucking body bag.