I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, January 10, 2009

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.(all the time actually.)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I LOVE the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I love hugs.
I have a hidden talent. (hahahha!)
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single. (married to Ashley Greene)
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (taste different from dudes)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone. (no grudges no pain)
I'm a BETTER dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God. (of course, I'd be utterly lost without Him)
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything. (allergic to assholes)
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before. (your kidding me right? its my life LOL!)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i LOVE it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
Kissed someone of the same sex.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge. (bunjee jumping count?)
I love sea turtles. (anything for aninals*grins*)
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument. (yup, both my asscheek muscles flex and POOOOT comes out)
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.(omg. coincidence much?)
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I've fallen for the worst people
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I have no regrets.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. (wtf. cosplaying? hell no)
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.(i like to call myself an amateur hahahah!!)
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex. (girls are adorably innocent, guys are dicks.)
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

Omg. UHHHH Lets get this straight. SOME guys are dicks, other guys are princes like ley. SOME girls are rare jewels, other girls are common ores.

I tag anthea, ley, matt, poks(which will prolly nv do it) and....SANTA CLAUS.




"Dont be fooled, I only act as if I cared."

Hahahahahahaha! That coming from me, you sure as hell know something's up.

Oh Im happy now Im happy now, ley please chill down chill down. I told you my poem was distorted!! IM NOT SUCIDAL luh dumbdumb!! omg *faints* !!! I know that if I jump, ill die aka BURN IN HELL.

Oh! Somebody shoot me, Im taking a liking to korean pop/rap. Hahahaha! I blame you sam. "Goodbye baby" is my favo now, speaks my mind. This time Korean pop saved me from crazy mood swings.

Omg, I need something to preoccupy me mind. It feels empty without thinking of someone or planning a next outing. Ley's been doing his best to keep my mind busy, failing miserably. Hahahahahaha!!

Oh went with ley, ian and kimbo to SMITHS STREET. I know its China friggin' town, but no no. Kimbo brought us to these shops, holy cow. I went onna shirt spree. After this whole week of raging emotions, retail therapy wouldnt hurt.

Thanks kimbo(: You made my day!!

Pictures uh? Hmmm...in my phone... hahahha! Ley's got more human pics in his cam. I only got buildings):

Omg again. Somebody sent me this link to a friggin' hilarious clip on youtube.

Titled: Potter Puppet pals in "The mysterious ticking noise"

Effing funny can! Especially at 1:09, Harry is retardly funny.

I am tagged to do this quiz that doesnt require much brains, but imma post this first then post the quiz onna seperate post.




Friday, January 9, 2009

Im on my 9th day away from alcohol. Okay stop wait. I sound likka alcoholic. No no no, Im not Im not! I just like alcohol. Im not addickted, I swear I can live without it, sane or not sane, that's another story luh. But I'll live.

Anthea's rather interesting theory, "If someone has the character trait - they clamp up - they will also have the trait -listening." I must admit, I do clamp up when in comes to super sensitive subjects like my past but if its like me being half gay, then no because well, its reality.

To me, truth is beauty at its finest, no matter how painful it is, I'd take the truth over a lie. I respect anyone who can tell me the honest truth in my face. My humongo ego and pride can take it. Because once I lose trust, its not easily gained back.

I call this poem:

Shut the fuck up, Im not drunk.

Sitting here listening to the lyrics of the song,
its making me feel so strong,
But why must I lie to myself,
it detrimental to my mental health.

The words you said,
they're still ringing in my head.
Maybe all you said is true,
and that we have to see this through.

Im tired and weak,
spare me this talk about freaks.
I know Im one,
and your one just like me.

What good's a photograph,
without you on the other half.
What good's a dream,
without you eating ice cream.

....omg, I know theres the continuation to this poem... but my mind really isnt in the right place, its in 3 different places with 2 different people. Please dont force me.

Lemme just write you the rest in non-rhyming-non-flowing form, there might be some random parts, its just writing whatever comes to my head.

Wouldnt it be nice to have a picture,
a picture with all your features.
My fingers want to burn everything,
my heart doesnt want to keep anything.

My mind is hanging on desperately,
on to everything single thing.
Give me a reason to leave this,
I am talking rubbish.

Here I am listening to love songs,
like some love sick little puppy.
I am just a puppet in your eyes,
I want to defy gravity.

Do you think if I took that leap of faith,
I'll be in His good grace.
No I'll just be burning in hell,
whats that fucking rotting smell.

Oh thats just me decomposing....

ah. too tired to even type anymore bullshit luh huh.

Uhhh...my poem ended back there *points to the line before the last line* (hint: at decomposing)

Why do I bother with you people? All you people ever do for me, is dump shit in my face. Compassion has its limits you know, I aint Mother Theresa, ahhhh stop fucking messing with my head luh. Gone means gone, not gone means not gone. Pick one, which would you like me to be?

Please dont misunderstand, I am sane even without my alcohol.

My day, sucks. Didnt see anyone I wanted to see, saw all the people I didnt wanna see. Now thats fuck'd up.

Merchant of Venice, Shylock, speaks my mood now with his quote: "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"

"I am only human, I am not perfect and I dont like to be perfect dammit!"

Now thats just me throwing my little tantrum.




Thursday, January 8, 2009

Sorry for the spelling and grammar errors, you can laugh at em. Hahaha!

Im running on low power, or in my words, lagger mode. My eyes are barely opening, my drool is on the verge of spilling over onto my notes, my words arent making any sense. Gawd, I fell asleep in HPI, again. Yes, Ms Rozi noticed, yes, she did scream into the mike/mik/mic/whatevik again, even anthea who was sitting beside me didnt realise I was sleeping!!

Gawd, I had to redo the stupid CellB lab like 3 fucking times before I realised, "HEY FUCKER! its ONE fucking ml!!! GAWD!!" I wasnt thinking, just mindless going about. What a fucking faggot.

Enough of bullshitting.

My day was good...wait....when issit never good in my opinion. I dont know, I guess I saw the people I wanted to see(my little hero) and didnt see the people I didnt want to see(aka Johnson) though I did see his dardar *shivers* while walking back to AS concourse after checking out whether vet brought rabbits out, no they did, bullocks. Hahahaha!

Term testtttt...

Failed none, passed all, coupla Bs, tonnes of Ds or issit Ps. Iggy made the maths paper seem like frog feet, laughing at my careless mistakes. Lanzy keeps laughing at my careless spelling errors, eg. Pseudophodia. Lost like 3marks plus on spelling not on theory. Jolly good Jane, jolly good. CellB and HPI were good.

CSAS...oh ho shit. If I fail it, my mummy will grumble, she and me daddy keep empathsizing that my command of the language is very IMPORTANT. Speak of the devil, the sentence before already has tonnes of errors. Same difference.

Come lemme be an idiot and say "I HAVE TO GET 4.3 GPA for this SEMESTER! Yeah! Im so fucking smart until my GPA is non-existent! Then when graduation comes, I wanna graduate with a 10.0! I can do it, I know I can. Hipperdy skipperdy yoderley yee hoo!" What a fucking faggot.

TP Open house.

None of my business, its just more people obstructing my way.

Saw a lot of my juniors and my normal friends! Omg. They look the same =.= I dont know why, but my juniors all turn dam quiet/shy after they notice me. Its like I notice them walking in my taidi table direction, their jumping up and down talking, then they walk closer, giving me a nervous smile with a shy wave. What! I was just playing cards!

You know, I cant remember when I was the mean senior, that was berd and jessie's job! Poks was like "eh your school people.", "Your school people.", "eh your juniors." HAHAHAHA! Okay enough, its becoming all juniors no Jane. Jane might get upset. Hahahaha!

Me.

I just found out Im a racist. Gawd, I shouldnt be living in Singapore, I might upset the delicate balance of harmony. Okay no, Ive been a racist for a long time, since I like hearing indian jokes, but its only cause blonde jokes ran out!! Honest! Hahahaha! Okay enough before the Panty Assholerific Partigers catch me for.....being honest.

New movie.

Underworld: Rise of the lycans. Oh my, Kate Beckinsale is one MILF. She plays Sonia/Sonya/Nyonya whatever ya? Yeah okay, well, one movie I WILL watch for the novelty of seeing Kate before my brothers taint her perfect picture with their nonsense comments and over-exaggerated spoilers.




Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Good day, today. Yup, best day of the week in my opinion. Couldnt really get much better than today, actually.

Morning, afternoon, evening, all made, you know it feels? Lemme give you an analogy, like the heavens shine down upon today giving me bliss and....uh shut up much? It feels like you finally take that huge fucking dump after holding it back for the greater part of the day.

Understand that feeling? Well if you have not, try holding you shit back for like 2 days then go to school and endure it through the whole day. Yes, thats a maginificently revealingly awesomely happy feeling after you take that dump. Yup.

Great day, great day, great day. I love today.

I have to change my its-so-high-its-off-the-scale karma level.

Looking at my life, been harping on lil fuck ups that I dont see beyond my lil box. Compared to others, my life is heaven.

Besides, I get what I want, in His time, and He already knows what I want now, and every single day, He's gives it to me, and for that, I am more than happy already. Wishful thinking is unhealthy Jane. Hahahahaha!!

Because I know that no matter what happens, I have friends and buddies that have been and will be there for me when I fall.

I think, since Im in a really really really good mood, Im going to start correcting my wrongs, starting off with the hardest of them all. Make up with a certain hot japanese retard. Trust me, I think its more than I can handle.

Today, I was a little bored, so I wrote 2 little poems, they might not make much sense because its part of it, but they meant the most.

Troy will not fall (note: not troy faggot bolton, troy the city)

Enough of your beauty,
its beginning to feel like a tragedy.
Enough of your innocence,
its beginning to be a nuisance.

Tell me what I have to destroy,
for me to be your troy.
Building the high walls of love,
around you my precious little dove.

Keeping you safe from danger,
I'll be your power ranger.
Picking up the pieces that shatter,
gluing them back together.

You have no idea (for my little hero)

Scanning the place,
hoping/praying/wishing to see your face.
My mind is lost in the haste,
Everything turns into a maze.

So stand with me at the shoreline,
let the sun shine,
as you speak your mind.
I love the way your voice sounds like a chyme.

Dont want to live without you for a day,
because I cant just rewind and press play.
Dont want to live this way,
but its not that crazy aye?

Theres only so much a person can take, and Im a human, please dont throw things at me like that. We all know I have my father's temper but my mother's forgiveness. Please forgive me.

Song of the past friggin 4 days:
Insomnia by Craig david
Monsoon by Tokio Hotel
Just dance by Lady Gaga
Let me go in by Quietdrive




Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Inspiration.

Where does it come from? From my little Hero. Yup, this morning, I was rummaging my brain for words to flow into a poem. As it proceeded into mid-day, the less my words fit. Its rather agonising(strong word, for a strong emotion)

As I walked towards my lesson, my inspiration was there, walking towards me, my litte Hero's expression was awkward. I gave the weakest smile of the day. Hahahahahaha! What! LOL!

Well! Poks lemme listen to korean pop song, dam, I dont like the language but sam loves it, so why not? Hahahaha! How bad could it be huh? *looks away* HAHAHHA!

Oh! Today, Cyrus was dissing anthea REALLY bad. Omg. Hahahahaha It was hilarious though!! But I was justa lil too busy with... mental things... hahahaha, wasnt laughing my ass off but I did cackle off at the corner. HAHAHAH! If Anthea's a pedophile, Imma serial rapist luh!! HAHAHAHHA!! Onnnnnn second thought.... hhahahahaha! Shit. Okay should shut up now before I die.

I guess thats pretty much all, cant remember what I said I wanted to blog about. Funny.

One last thing.

To really understand someone, you first have to understand their past(ie, character traits, etc). Just like present day, you have to understand history to forsee future events. Something I learn a few months ago, but I find it fascinating.
(:




Monday, January 5, 2009

Apologies for grammar/spelling/whatever errors.

BITCHING BEGINS.

I wrote a lot. But I decided to delete it, because. I dont want to hurt anyone. He never did do anything to hurt me, so I wont hurt him. The only way to combat hate and hurt is to show love. "Love conquers all." I will proudly stand strong with that line in my heart.

BITCHING ENDS(I believe poks and I were feeling bitchy because of pauly's bitchiness, rubs off)

SCHOOL.

Now today wouldnt be awefully painful if I didnt see you this morning. If you were in the same LT as I was, you'd know what I mean. But I am, you were, it's painful. Anthea knows how much its eating me up on the inside.

Everywhere I turn, everywhere I look, everywhere I go, you are there. The amount of focus and concentration I used to look away and stay that way, surpasses that of which I used during my O level night studies. I am forced to look away because I dont wanna disappoint anthea or poks. But my expression mirriors what I feel, which is pure agony.

Something I came up with beside ley wants to know what Im thinking hm? Hahahaha! Enjoy!

I dont want another,
Just one unlike any other.
The face that disarms my defence,
The one which makes me piss my pants.

Someone who sits and stares in silence,
Everything about you has no violence.
The hands with a soft touch,
The one that makes me turn to liquid fudge.

Nothing about this someone seems special,
Just like an unpolished shell.
The way I like it,
Lily-white and angelic.

Even when Im a page away from rampage,
Your voice calms my unflinching rage.
Heaven is where you belong,
I am certainly not wrong.

An apple in my eye,
With love in my sky,
Only with you can I truely fly.
Dont need to be shy.

If you give me a chance,
I’ll melt your defence.
Baby you make my heart heavy,
No definately maybe.

You are the only key to end my torture,
Hold on tight through this bloody massacre.
I dont want to lost you in the battlefield,
Because I love you.

YAYOES. I know it doesnt quite fit much but its as good as what barley and pauly's bitchiness could up with. Love or hate it, just as long as you gettit.

Oh my gawd. Yes, Yes Im damn free so Ill blabber on, my dinner isnt home yet so no doing homework for me. Hahahaha!

Im crazy about the stalker song, which poks ask me to listen to. Gawd, its about someone to loves this other person so much she stalks the person. HAHAHAHAH! Reminds me of someone...hmmmm WHO AH?!
Jane's "weird moodswing-adaptable" Playlist


Happy songs: World with love/Insomnia(Craig David), Right now(akon), Live your life(T.I.), Take your sweet time(Jesse McCartney), PAPARAZZI(Lady Gaga), Fear of flying (ARTHM), More than that(BSB)


Sad songs: Boulevard of broken dreams(Green day), I still.../incomplete(BSB), Lie to me(NEYO), Wont let U go(Cristian Alexanda), stay with me(Danity Kane), Second chance(Faber Drive)


Angry songs: The hell song(Sum41), In pieces/Given up/No more sorrow(Linkin Park), Hate(plain white t's), heartless(Kanye West), Adelaide(Anberlin), Let U go(Ashley Angel Parker), About a girl(The acedemy is..), Afterlife(Avenge Sevenfold)

As you can see, my playlist got more ANGRY songs, but that dont mean I angry babyyy! Imma rock junkie.

My hero's back from vacation! The poem's for you my hero! My hero is AS SURE AS HELL not LESLEY. Hahahaha!

OMG. Fucking Robert Zhang only got shot?! Shit, if I were TianBao with nothing to lose, Ill fucking sadistically torture that idiot!! Poor yuzhu):
Okay enough of this.




Sunday, January 4, 2009

Insomnia.

Still addickted to it! YAYOES!

*whines*

Tomorrow school begins again. Gawd. Thank gawd Chinese New Year is coming soon. I need a break both mentally and whateverly.

*continues to whine*

El pollo loco the cheapo here, has been playing fucking free online 60mins FREE trial games. Hahahhahahaha! Yes, go on, laugh. Have the money to buy it yet, I spend my money on what? Cheech & chong still smokin' HAHAHAHAH! okay, if y'all dont stay in US and have assclowns as friends you wouldnt really get the cheech & chong still smokin' part. HAHAHA!

"Dont call me a latino fuck you latino fuck! *curses in spanish*"

Whatever shuddup.

*whines*

Today can be officially called Jane whines Day. Why? Because lesley the idiot made me whine *points to ley and raises hands* Not my fault! Not my fault! Hahahah!

We were once again, talking about sensitive issues. Which made me laugh at him ALOT. Gay guy likes lesbo. HAHAHAHAH! okay enough.

*whines*

I've been thinking...about something. Contemplating whether I should or I should not. Considering what happens if I do or do not, do what I've been contemplating about. And a contigency plan for the considerations of the contemplatee. My conclusion for this contingency for the considerations of the contemplatee is. I dont know.

For a simple reason I AM NOT CONTEMPLATING anything in the first place. HAHAHAHAHA! Did I successfully get an eye roll from you? Do I hear some vague cussing in the back there? Yes, I think I do dont I?

No no, I was just holding a piece of paper before I slept yesterday night, reading it of couse, you cant expect me to hold it and not do anything to it(not that I do anything bad with PAPER, mind you), and I realised...what I had to say after like 4ish days.

Usually the answer just comes to me naturally, this time, a lil twist happened. Likka morning-after feeling, after you wake up all drunk of merrily drinking? Yes? No, I dont know.

In short you can say, I made up my mind.

As you all friggin' know, once I've made up my mind, I dont turn on it. Hahaha! So for you assholes whose been chasing me to make up my mind, its made up. You can go throw confetti! Why I took so long? Because my mind is like love, it cannot be rushed, if I were to rush, it would turn out... not so good.

So now its made up, I feel I am able to control and pace myself. Sorta likka "I-in-control-over-me" feeling.

*WHINES "My finger painnnn!! mopes*

Uh. Okay. Its official again. Risk2 sucks. Play until sian luh. And its less than 1 hour, yes, the novelty is OVER. But Risk the board game is my favourite besides life. HAHAHAH!

Oh look! *whines* TOMORROW IS MONDAY! And why am I looking forward to it again? I have no motive, or specific person I have to talk to. Let alone...okay wait yes I do have few people I REALLY REALLY WANT TO TALK TO. Its been too long since we've talked.

My hero's out on vacation, wont be coming back.