I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hahaha. Its funny. I read something, that would make me angry, fuming even. Dont worry, Im not angry, really.

I wanted to write a lot of stuff about it, but then what ley said kept ringing in my head, and maybe its true and that I shouldnt put much thought into it, since you regret me that much.

"You know, I thought I wanted/needed it back, was I kidding myself? You said I dont listen to you, are you listening to me? You knew it made me angry yet you still did it. Maybe being nice was immature, if you want a mature person who smokes and whatever. Then Im sorry for not being mature enough for you, because my past doesnt allow me to."

Just one paragraph.

Jane anathematises weekends, I dont see my little angel nor do I get to hang out with my buddies, cept ley and kimmy. Oh be damned I forgot about ashley, who, if reads this, might just run me over with her car. Hahaha!!

I thank God, my head is on straight, otherwise, who knows the kinda of shit I can get myself into. Grow up Jane grow up.

Ley stopped playing videogames, a miracle. Its absolutely crazy how we talk just about anything. He's abit like poks, we can talk about mense, girl stuff, guy stuff, idiots, sam, that lesbo he likes, and pop tards. Yeah, pop tards. Amazing, really.

"Big Bang's a hot boy band." says ley, a boy.

*Jane's mind screams "OMG GAY ALERT!!" sirens sound, babies cry, old people die* Hahahahaha!!

When my little angel walks in the light, she seems to outshine even sunlight. Blinding much? She makes my stomach knot, now thats something not many could do to me.

Why do you have to be so cute,
Its impossible to ignore you,
Plus you make me laugh so much,
Its bad enough we get along so well.
Say goodnight and go.

From "Goodnight and go" by Imogen heap. It keeps ringing in my head when I think of her.

Here lose...rrrrr I mean ley. Hahaha!! KIMMY! I know you read this, so I'll write this for you but about someone else. I heart you still.

Not a day goes by I dont think of you,
Not a prayer said without you,
Not an unwritten poem of you,
Not because I love you.

It's because you are my world,
the only one I want to hold,
so please dont go,
to you my true colours show.

Do you know how beautiful you are,
cant help but stop to stare,
nothing more than to smell the hair,
of someone so fair.

As innocent as a baby,
more beautiful then any lady.
Make me smile fair maiden,
take that hidden beauty out of that prison.

I need God.

Random thought: Oh my gawd. Janson has nice eyes! *DROOLS* Omg, Anthea will fall off her chair if she reads this. ha ha ha.

Ah, my playlist which I didnt know people actually take it seriously.


GOODNIGHT AND GO by IMOGEN HEAP (CHORUS IS THE SHIT)
Hide and seek by Imogen Heap
T-shirt by Shontelle
Not your enemy by Jesse McCartney
Energy by Keri Hilson
Where I stood by Missy Higgins
If I want to by Usher&JT
Miss you like crazy by The Moffats (OLDY POWER)




Friday, January 16, 2009

Oh my gawd.

Annoying much? Yes, very. Apparently, GIG members think I dont have a life, making me stay back. And the thing only lasted 29 miserable minutes. Where is the justice in this world?

A wasted friday. Unjustified. Dont get me started about it.

I was playing with me PSP(like some kid that just got it for my birthday), so engross I barely noticed anything.

Anthea hobbles over while I am racing my life away.

A: Eh Jane!!
J(not looking up): hm?
A: (stays silence)
Hearing no reply I look up to see anthea grinning down at me, and immediately, only 3 people that could trigger that.
A: She's been standing there for like 5minutes already!!
I spin around while sitting on the ground and look up in the direction which anthea's head nodded to. I just wanted to see if it was the one I wanted to see.
J: oh. really? okay. (goes back to playing me PSP)

Hahahaha! Thanks Anthea! Hahahaha! I dont regret my PSP stealing my attention from her. I have 3 years more, she wont be going anywhere, soon.

Well well well....*GRINS* it seems like everyone was having a GOOD day. Hahahaha! I couldnt be happier. I love it when all my chummy buddies are happy, even if I wasnt having sucha nice day. No sympathy, I love today.

When they smile and laugh, its so contagious. I couldnt help but add on, the cheerful dispositional side of me just burst out from within. Makes me feel all chummy now. Like happiness is hugging me, a hug, something I needed.

Today would be Anthea's day *GRINS* ahem *mumbles something incoherently* Hahahahaha! Im glad you enjoyed yourself:D HAHAHHAHA!

Funniest thing that happen today. Sherie was walking down the ramp(AS) and I was using the stair path. So I bent over to shove my mother england(huge) nose into her business.

Suddenly sherie goes "Hey babe!", could see some weird glances at us from the back. Hahaha!! I played along and was like, "Hey baby! Want lollipop?". At this point, I think the people eavesdropping thought we were lesbo partners or something. HAHAHAHA!

Then I took the lollipop from between my teeth, and turned it to her. She took it and popped it into her mouth. I was expecting a "yurcks!" HAHAHAH! Amazing. People in front turned around and people at the back were appalled.

What? Never see girls from all girls school before? Yes, we are that open, its actually a social norm for me to hear girls doing what we did. Hahahaha! OOPS. Too much info for innocent eyes. Hahahaha!

I am not afraid of judgemental eyes, it only shows me those people are shallow enough to stereotype "gays" as being disgusting. Dont get me started about my homo talk. If only CSAS did that. I'd be sure my whole class accepts them before I end my speech. HAHAHAHA!

I want to hold you in my arms when you cry. If that's okay with you.




Thursday, January 15, 2009

Before you read this post, please listen to "Do you remember" by Aaron Carter, while reading this. This is my only request, it's the soundtrack to this post, feel it with the song I wrote it with.

I was having a perfect day. Perfect, really.

Then you came along and fucked it all up. *shrugs* It's alright, we are only human.

Nothing much of this day. Its insignificant.

Everytime I look over, I see you stare just a little too long. But I cant take my eyes off of you. I start to wonder why. Anthea dismisses 3/4 of them. This is agony.

I am torn between what I want and my best friends. How do I pick. This isnt a question, I bite my lip, close my eyes and smile, its the only answer I can give my bestie, this is pathetic.

Here is your answer.

I loved you, I really do and no one in the world could have change how I felt, no one not even you, because you had my heart, whole. I really was dying inside to hold you, hug you, kiss you and just plain oh spoil you.

I thought you didnt like talking, everytime I brought up something touchy, I feel closed off. And I dont understand, I really want to understand because I really did care for you. I admit, I did shut off, I did mess things up.

And I really thought we were going to have more time, more time to sort things out, to get things right, to understand each other. It caught me off guard, because I thought we had time, afterall it was barely a month plus. Nothing ever progresses that fast.

I didnt care that you couldnt express yourself, I didnt care that you didnt repay me for anything, I didnt care about what people thought of us being together, and lastly, I didnt care that you had flaws, no one's perfect, that I understand.

All I cared about was that you were happy, and I have high standards for myself, if you werent happy, then neither will I. Yes, I do have high expectations, for me to fill, not you, you are perfect just being who you are. I was going to work hard, do anything to see you smile.

I thought that in time, you'd start to trust me and open up to me, tell me things that you tell your diary. I know that even if a person closes off, with enough time and love, they open up. I was more than happy to wait for you to. Because I wanted you to be comfortable, and not feel as though you have to do things. You dont have to, I will never force you to do anything you dont want to.

I didnt want to look cool, didnt want to have top grades, I didnt want to dream. I am a simple person with a simple want, you. Why would I care whether Im cool or top grades? Those things cant make me happy, its so common, everywhere I turn, I see people with aces and good looking people.

Gifts to you, were things that remind me of you. Im not good with words, I never was, in fact, I suck balls at talking to people. So I thought that if you knew that you were always the one in my head, in the morning, in the afternoon, in the night, in my dreams, it was always you, no one else.
I know its too late to tell you this. And I write it here and not in a letter because I want my friends to see, what an idiot I have been, and that if I had a chance, I'd turn back time.

I did some homework, and I asked a few friends from co-ed schools, they said it was really hard for someone to believe such pure intentions, but Im not from a co-ed school, I am sincere and I have no hidden agenda. My feelings are written on the sticker on my forehead.

I respect your decision, and pulled myself together to smile at you without anything spilling out from the corners. I didnt want you to worry, I wanted you to be happy. Asking me to hurt you, is like asking for the world. Why would I want you to cry, when all I've been working so hard for was to see you smile?

Ive been breaking so many promises to myself, I promised myself that your birthday present was the last thing I would put what was left of my heart into it for you.

And what Im terrified of is the fact that dreams will stop being dreams and start turning into reality. I dont want to feel guilty, Im overprotective over who I love.

Okay okay your answer stops here. It's all I ever wanted to say to you, but didnt get my chance. I was a faggot,

I had a long talk with lesley yesterday, all the way til 12am. He makes me see black where there was once white. What was once a perfect canvas, is now distorted. Ley doesnt want to destroy my world, that I understand, he doesnt want me to look at people with such cold eyes.

I am really heartless and lifeless, hahaha, my heart was thrown away, my world is wrecked, my aims in disarray. But even when all this was happening, I loved it. Because I love nothing more then to be told the truth. And ley spoke nothing but the truth to me.

CSAS draft tomorrow. I thank God, I just have to polish it tonight.

EVERYONE including kailan thomas, is TOTALLY misunderstanding the nicknames. Hahahahaha! Its the same person, it has always been the same person.

Okay, ciao. I am not angry with you ley, you've been a true friend. Thanks buddy!




Wednesday, January 14, 2009

If life were a game, why dont I have a 'restart' button?
If life were a game, why isn't there a 'undo' button?
If life were a game, why dont I have a 'backspace' button.
If life were a game, why cant I say "I love you" without meaning it?

How do I turn back time? How do I correct the wrongs which I did in the past, because now I know how to correct them. Tell me how, because its causing more harm now that I would ever imagined. Hahahaha! My sanity is next to non-existent.

I watched an angel at work today, she was so into it, she barely noticed me looking at her. Hahaha! Her confused lil cute face, staring down at instructions. Hahaha! Okay, Im laughing and smiling to myself. No kailan, Im not talking about Sam. Gawd, your so slow. Hahaha please dont kill me.

-From the next section Jane is an idiot-

Oh yessss...omg. The amount of trust I have in my buddies ah. Makes me think TWICE! HAHAAHA! Im just kidding guys and ladies. Yes, they punk'd me. REAL BAD.

Eunice, YL, miley and I were playing taidi, after lunch, me TOTALLY forgetting we didnt have BMIC tut. So I thought "hey! mo time to play! one hour++ hohokayy". Then after what I thought was 1hour+++ both anthea and poks gave me worried faces and showed me their phones "1:13pm"(class starts at 1pm).

"OMG! FUCK! We're late?!" yells Jane. Hahahha!! Then they said TomCruise(my fossil watch) was spoilt and started packing up really fast. So I THOUGHT we were REALLY late.

Rushed to class, on the way, I saw Siti and matthew, my head was like "EH. They are never late one whattt..." but either way I trust me OH SO TRUSTABLE FRIENDS. I openned the door only to have Kana/Kannanda/Kannan/Pandan/forgot his name, inches away from me face.

I was SHOCKED. That dude followed by sexy then dorothy. HA HA HA. That was when I started to question the TIME. "Eh....sexy and dorothy RARELY leaves LATE. Which either means Im super EARLY or so friggin' late."

15minutes EARLY. BALLS!!! Wah, after I got PUNK'D.

Yes yes yes, everyone enjoyed the good laugh. Hahahaha!! Cant say I didnt myself(: These are the kind of things that make me thank God I had these kinda OH SO TRUSTABLE BUDDIES. I still trust them, but NOT for TIME, EVER. Hahahaha!!

-Okay Jane's no more the fool-

Hahahahaa!! OMGGGG I still cant believe they could pull off something like that without me noticing! BALLS. But it was fun though *GRINS*

Lab wasnt exactly fun, not because I dont like it or I lost interest with the people, but because there's so much stuff to do, like 4 experiments(?).... I lost count.

Crashed Water Tech lect, omg, can this subject get anymore boring? Sitting beside Jesslyn was hilarious. I gave her the puzzled look, cause she just sat there, no notes in fronna her and staring blankly back at me.

Me:Uhh... how come you not taking notes?
J: Oh. She has the tendency of reading off the notes.
Me: Oh. Then you....dont have notes?
J: Dont bother bringing.

Jesslyn, role-model water tech student. But really, the lecturer just literally reads word for word off the bloody notes.

Angels look even cuter when their busy than when their angry. Noticed the little crinkle in the nose, the raised eyebrow but most of all, the completely blur look. I can totally write a book on the little anal details. That's me, Im just another anal-retentive kid.




Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Hahahaha! Crappy day much? Yes very much. Hahahaha! Im just whining.

Angel went home early today, Jane's totally depress. Joshua was totally angry with me for waiting for my little hero. People here needed to see someone right? =.=

Yeah, I was totally cranky this evening, ask miley. Miley and anthea were like "Omg Jane, you really need your daily dose of ______. Otherwise you get cranky." This is why I totally hate tuesdays.

My stomach knots everytime shes around. But I love that feeling, makes me feel alive.

This poem is to let ley savour weird poems. Oddball.

Do you know how much I miss breathing,
can you stop disappearing.
Do you know how much I miss hearing
can you stop whispering

Bet you dont know this,
how much happiness it gives.
Bet you dont realise how important you are,
how much it hurts when your this far.

That three seconds I get,
it's something I cant forget.
That three seconds I shared,
it's something I cant regret.

If only you could hear the screams,
then you wont have to stay in my dreams.
If only you heard the pleas,
then you and I would be sitting in the breeze.

Shuddup if it doesnt quite flow, I just read that I had to create another poem like 10minutes ago, so be nice will you?

Listening to "wo men de ai" by FIR. Surprisingly, I actually understood it! O.M.G. thank you thank you I know my chinese rocks your socks. It rhymes too!!

Okay, I gotta go do my stupid math homework! Hahahaha!! Yes, go ahead call me a faggot. Hahaha!! I hold true to my promises(if only I remember them) but I dont make promises often.

Angels dont just come and go in my life, they come and leave a mark, for me to remember them. But I hope my angel doesnt leave a mark, because I dont want her to leave me. Call me a lesbo for her, and I'd walk proudly *grins*




Monday, January 12, 2009

WOOOOO! *prances around throwing confetti* Do you believe in angels?

Well well well....look what the wind blew in? Hahahaha! No no, I had my fill of my little hero and sam today. Hahahaha!! Okay as if Im still obsessed with sam =.=

Anthea was like wow your shirt really does say your new job, fling junkie. Hahaha!! EHHH! NO LORZ. HAHAHAH! Its the shirt ley and I bought. Hahaha! No, like I said, me no play with emotions, it hurts people. No no no Jane made a promise to God.

My promise: I will be more sensitive to people's feelings and I wont hurt people on purpose or with off hand remarks. (aka think before I rebuke)

I FULFILLED ONE OF MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS! I did my homework. What's that Jane? Say it one more time, please. I did my homework. Omg, you fucking faggot luh Jane. Hahahahaa!! omg, no offense to those of you who do your homework!! :D

Omg again. Since yesterday, I've been reading bout astrology like Imma ass-trologist. Mean honestly Jane, you google every damn thing. Hahaha!! Fascinated by it, I bought a bloody book on star signs.

Im incorrigible. Yeah, its all about different signs, but most of all, its the few that I spend more time(aka not read the other signs) on then others. Few being, Virgo, Leo, Pisces and Saggiettarius(HAHAH okay Im jus joking.) Gawd, I've got afew sagittarius friends and I dont want to die yet.

Its REALLY HARD not to like all 4 signs. Omg, theres this part about good traits and bad, I was like omg, my sign should have "anal" as the bad points, and true enough(the book was just being nice), meticulous to detail aka ANAL. Hahahahahha!! omg, Im dissing myself.

Okay, everyone's going haywire. Im listening to Big Bang(from english rock), Miley's listening to Celine Dion(from hard metal), Anthea's listening to Chinese pop(from english rock), poks is listening to Lady Gaga(from M2M).

Hollayshit. Hahaha! Omg. Some weird friends I have indeed. Hahahah!! Dont worry, Im weird too.

HAHAHHAHA I know its really late or old or whatever, but I was watching Kebjumba's "put in the purse", a video on him and his mother. DRIVING. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! omg. I was lamao-ing my ass off. My own mother was like "what ah? What are you laughing at. Better go do your homework." HOLY. SHIT. My cds homework!! shit okay ciao!

I do, I see one everyday in school, and she sees me too. And she makes me smile just like a fool.




Sunday, January 11, 2009

I am pigging at home, in front of me lappy, watching movies and munching apples like Im some kiasu Singaporean and the apples were some sorta free samples(get my drift? hahaha).

And who better else than ley to pissed me off...I mean talk to me on msn while I spend my 9hours rotting. Ley got me reading horoscopes AGAIN. Funny, we are total opposites yet we are buddies. Hmmm maybe life's not all bout compatibility afterall. Hahahaha!!

This is ridiculous. Im laughing at random sentences and my imagination is going insane.

"Sweet harmless bowl of jellybeans..." Hahahahahahah!!! OMGGGGG.

I think I'll be the only one whose laughing at this right? Hahahaha! Imagine a bowl with a coupla assailable jellybeans holding up sign boards saying "Eat dumb chickens instead".

Hahahaha!! Weird, I know.

Forever your my girl,
Forever be my world,
Your the only one.
I'll never break your heart,
so baby dont let go.

-fav part from "Make love" by Big Bang - the beat to that song makes you want to hug your lover. Yeah, Im hugging my pillow alright mmhmm. Hahahahaha!

My heart broke when I watched and listen to the song "Broken strings" by James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado. What made it worst, was the lyrics, it stole the words from my mouth.

Soundtrack:
Broken strings by James Morrison blah(abv)
Run by Leona Lewis
Human by The killers
Without you by Hinder

If only I was strong enough to hold you. Then the world would be perfect.