I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Setting you free now(: Go home fat one go home.

Painful. Losing someone you love.

Woke up to a bad feeling in my gut, my lungs hurt when I breathed in, my body ached, my head was throbbing, my eyes were as dry as the sahara and my temple felt as thou I got whacked in the head with a brick. I couldnt sit up on my bed, I couldnt explain why I felt this way, all I did was lie there; motionless, speechless and thoughtless. After what seemed to be eternity, I forced my arms to get me up, went down stairs(teeth brushed and all).

Then something weird happen, all the aching was lost after I stepped off the last step, but my knees went soft and I ended up sitting on the last step, I wondered why I had no control over what I just did. Had my breakfast, while having my breakfast, the right side of my temple hurt like no fucking hell so naturally my head was tilted to the right as I rubbed it to ease the pain which didnt stop. I looked and I saw fattyboy(my hamster) struggling to the front of the cage. He seemed as weak as I was, grappling with my temple and going over to his cage was hard! Sat in front of the cage and picked it up, and my heart broke the moment I saw him.

His face looked like a decrepited sickly thing and he looked at me with those black eyes. My eyes burned as I looked at someone I loved being tortured. He percariously crawled(literally) to the front of the cage to greet me which his does everytime when I get home and take him outta the cage to play with him. My eyes and arms became so heavy it hurt to move. At the front of the cage, fattyboy just plonked himself there, the bludge under his throat had grown bigger, the swelling on his back was more visible. I gently picked him up which he gave me a pained look and closed his eyes ans slept in my hands. He looked so peaceful, so I stroked him for what might've been the last time, he struggled to turn to use the back part of my palm as his pillow so I relaxed that muscle to make the pillow a comfy one. I used my thumb to scratch his belly which he use to have but it seemed to have disappeared, lol, the fat guy used my thumb as his bolster. I smiled to myself as I realised he could be so cute even when he was hurting. A tear fell onto my thumb and the fat one seemed to hav drank it. LOL. He fiddled abit then went back to sleep.

I watched as his little body went up and down, the movement slowed as time went on, as I watched him sleep, all the memories of him playing with me and biting my brothers flood my head. He used to put both his hands on the cage walls, sorta wanting a hug. When I'd take out the food, he'd run around his bowl then jump into it and wait for me to pour food in. When I'd remove his water bottle to go refill, he'd literally sit on his fat ass and patiently wait for me to come back. When I'd put him in his roller ball while I cleaned his cage, he never fails to sit beside me and watch me clean his poopoo(he's prolly laughing at me going "HA! I made some fresh brownies for you Jane! Hope you lik em!") When I had a bad day, I'd come home feeling annoyed and ranting to him, he'd just sit on the wheel and listen to me talk with both ears fully up, of course it was like hearing a radio(he had snacks in his throat pouches which he ate as I talked).

Now he's dying, and Im watching him suffer the last few hours. I have to admit, this is the worst feeling I've ever had. Watching someone you love suffer in front of you and not being able to help whatsoever. I should've done more, I should've brought him to the vet 2 weeks ago when I spotted the lump in his throat, I should've been paying more attention to him this whole week while I was paying so much attention to other things, I shouldn't have just abandon the poor guy to suffer all alone, I shouldn't have been so neglectful and taken him for granted. I've lost someone(not something) that meant so much to me, I feel likka crumpled piece of paper, how could I have left him? I how I have been so ungrateful?

Soon this sadness will turn into angry and even hate, so I must and I will let go of him, I want to keep all his cute memories. And I will see him again. When I do, I'l never let him go(:

God is fair, honestly I will happily accept the punishment of pain, I deserve it. I just have one thing to ask of You, please let his pain stop, I dont want him to hurt anymore, he has suffered far too much! Let him join you in heaven(: He's been the best pet a lazy/neglectful/ungrateful/lousy owner could ever have. I love him and I dont want to see him hurt anymore! I already told the poor fat one that he can let go now, Im here with him, and Your waiting for him on the other side. Take care of him no?(':




Friday, September 12, 2008
Zoo with a moose.

ZOO. I've finally gone back after a decade of not going there! YES IM A DECADE OLDER. Damm...that makes me sound likka old freak.

Its ironic, I pay $16.50 for a ticket to go to the zoo, a moose paying to go see friends? Its like what humans do I guess, they buy airline tickets to go see their friends. Animals are alike no? HAHAHAHA! Walked around, we were never lost! We just didnt know where we were on the MAP....that kinda means we're lost but NO we werent(not in denial).

Animals seen in this order- otters, white tiger(whose fur was yellow luh pls), pygmy hippos(frickin funny shits), hamadryas baboons(red ass, if they show you their ass means they wanna mate, one babbon showed moose his red ass LOL!), primate kingdom(sign says colourful, real life shows, black log with black monkey onnit, i was lik "is that part of the tree or a monkeeeehh.....oh it moved, ok monkey" LOL), next elephants(paid 5bucks to feed em, moose didnt wanna feed hungry elephants!): but she did in the end, LOL), mantees/sealions/penguins(only saw mantees&penguins, cheat my feelings and money man!), saltorfresh water crocs(moose put her face to the glass and got shocked when the croc turn and tried to kiss her HAHAHA!), mandrill(only ONE, omg sad much? what? we cant afford two? what am I paying $16.50 for?). Then we saw CHICKENS, deep frid chickens pok pok keh-ing around. HHAHAHAH! no luh we went to eat KFC. HAHAHA! After lunch we went to see; probocis monkeys(pot belly monkeys with platpus[how to spell] mouths or was it doogong's[how to spell] mouth, a display of small creatures(moose painstakenly took like 5pics of a red eyed bird which i was lik "if you sent it for printing the aunty would think ur camera made that red eyed effect and she'd replace the red eyes for black ones" LOL), 1 lion and lik 3 lion-ness[how to spell? lol] which made me go(what? why 1 lion only? what we couldnt afford another male one? DAMMIT why am i paying $16.50 for?!), giraffes, zebras, ostrich, cheetah, eland, nyala, gnu, polar bear(it looked dead, like seriously. moose said she wants to sleep like em, with legs and hands all over. lol?). Guanaco aka LAMA(a seperate para for this animal and what happen HAHAHA). We back tracked to gaint tortoise because I wanted to hav a look at em, on the way we saw sun bears(which had honey bears as their titles! of course moose was right&they were sun bears), komodo dragon(which is a HIGHLIGHT and we only hav ONE. what if the poor guy died? what? close the exhibits?! c'mon man!), reptile garden was nice! Saw afew spieces of snakes and oh oh( i was looking at a rattle snake then moose trotted over and stared at it too, then suddenly the speakers above us gave out a rattling sound, and moose got a fright and jumped back HAHAAHHAAA so fucking cute luh), we saw this poor turtle that was over turned in the water bowl( i promised myself that i'd find a bloody zoo keeper to turn the poor fellow over and i did!), then we walked back to white tigers(cus moose wanted to go see "butterfly walk"), at butterfly walk we saw humongo butterflies(which ironically moose was scared of em. HAHAHAH! so hilarious! she wanted to go see butterflies yet shes scared of em. oh wells thats why i own moose(: lol) then back to the enterance/ exit.

Oh be damned my memory rocks. HAHAHAHA AS IF. I have the zoo map open in fronna me

Wandered around the gift shop and acted like tourist HAHA! But I was looking for a drink and the shops there are like total rip offs! $3 for a bottle of coke?! WTF!!

OH RIGHT! LAMA TIME! ok so we travelled pass the polar bear of some place luh huh. Then I was shocked we have lamas but no gorillas. HAHAH! Moose and I spotted these two lama acting fiesty, I thought they were fighting BUT moose thought they wanted to mate(notice the difference in thinking? Im so INNOCENT!) HAHAHHA but obviously shes right, before leaving, moose wanted to watch them, so i comtemplated and was lik why not? HA. My first real life video of animal porn. MMM...not nice, its so boring. HAHAHAH! the male lama just sat on top of the female lama. YES moose and I sat on the benches opposite them for 30 mins, we didnt really watch em for 30mins, like 20 mins cus the other 10mins was me looking over the pics and wanting to delete one candid shot of my blur looking face while moose tried to resist. OMG. funniest thing was, the people walking by, HAHAHAHHAA some were ok with it(lama mating and us hugging) HAHAHAHAH! some was like "OMG are they mating?!" HAHAHAH!

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. That has got to be the highlight of the bloody zoo trip for me! HAHAHA LAMA SEX. If you asked me i'd give the whole shebang a 1/10 in seductiveness, -1/10 in enjoyment, 10/10 for kodak moments, -5/10 for entertainment so much so that I had to find entertainment in a moose LOL JKJK! Moose is my only entertainment. HAHAHAHAH!


Picutre of the day- Moose invading Lama's privacy.

Ps. Alert! Alert! Peach sweet stealer! She stole my sweet, I want it back! gimme gimme gimme back! HAHAHAH! wtf? serious. I want it back. I want it back now(:




Thursday, September 11, 2008
A less attentive and tired Jane speaks.

Once again, Im alive, but not very attentive. LOL. Try not sleeping for 15hours straight with cooking/entertaining/laughing on the list of activites to do.

Ive had fun this past couple of days, having many reasons to justify this, yet only one reason remains. My planning is flawless only to a certain extent, nevertheless, I salute myself, Jane always planning and forseeing shit yet when something's before you, you cant seem to bring yourself to do it? MmMmMm...my halcyon days of fun has not gone to waste over trying to drown myself in work just to leave it all behind! HAHAHAH! YAYOES! Yet being 17 doesnt really feel like some achievement. HAHAHAH! Im just glad them fools liked the food and enjoyed themselves, cant say I loved the food myself, seeing how I was having cold spaghetti but had to leave it behind because I had to be an unlazy host. Nonetheless, enjoyed myself thoroughly though I am having second thoughts of going to any chalet that has flora yong inside. HAHAHAH I kid I kid.

Walk to the beach, mmmm...nice(: HAHAHA I honestly didnt attack any alcoholic beverage! Sexy just asked to open the bottle and I did it(quite easily) but with the other 3's bottles, they were like not letting me in! HAHAHAH! I took a sip of sexy's drink telling non-alcoholic-innocent-me that i was only going to have a sip. But my hands, they just wanted to shove the bottle in my mouth and drink it all! They bought ASAHI BEER DAMMIT): So tempting! ARGH. But its the gas-y one, which i dont really like but its asahi, who can resist? Lucky drank her bottle of raspberry(or dunno what flavour) bacardi and turned RED, like RED RED.

Truth and dare, was nerve wrecking with like 16people STARING, not to mention sheryl was allup in people's grill. HAHAHA I know Im going to die with that statement. Manda's pole dancing was hilarious with weisu just standing there. HAHAHA! LANZY made her appearance in front of a bunch of half-drunk-over-eaten-china men, DANCING. HAHAHAH!

Watched texas chainsaw massacre for the 13th time. I still find it nice to watch, even though lanzy thinks Im turning or am already a sadistic psycho. HAHAHAH! TRUE STORY PEOPLE! JY was screaming at every sudden insertion of a character. HAHAHAHA! I couldnt help but laugh.

I am tired. I paid $6.50 to have a nice sleep in a cathay cinema chair. Its like WALL.E begins, watches the beginning and falls asleep, waking to find, uber fat humans in chairs(not know that a pool existed) and seriously laughing my ass off for 15mins before getting tired and falling back to sleep. And I woke up at the CREDITS. HAHAHAHHHA! wow, how nice Jane? But I must say, it was a really nice movie with barely any conversations, though the fact that i slept throught 3/4 of the movie. HAHAHAHHA! I'd buy the dvd. mmhm. HAHAHH!

Thank you guys for the presents(: Lucky's gigantic jar of NON-ORANGE skittles! Poks white SLIPPER(no quantity error) and anthea's PINK/white SLIPPER(no quantity error) Ingenius these people. LOL HAHAHAH! Janey's note:D it'll be hanging on my wall of I-look-at-it-everyday LOL! Lanzy's book on chicken soup for the vegetable growing soul. HAHAHA thanks lanzy(: I'll seriously defi read it! Flora's pig. LOL honestly thats all there is to say. the cute pig's making noise at my window dammit HAHAHA it can accompany the cow that bounces up and down! Muttu's humongo card, thanks muts, the least I could do as a friend was listen. sheryl's ALCOHOL chocolates, sins that are VERY tempting LOL. Last but never least, you(: That's my favourite present.

Ps. Did you enjoy the book? LOL. Self customized makes things even more precious. Trade? Tomorrow?




Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Does it make a difference?

I wont be here tmr or the day after. So Im going to scratch the surface of my court case that I've debated with a debate team member. HE LOST HA! Ohkay yeah whatever Jane, get one with it.

Enjoy this piece, old man Jones wanted me to write about it.

Its been so long since I've been proud of things I've done, but it's all changed now. I am and always will be proud of myself, doesn't matter if the world looks at me with judgemental eyes, they just hatein' on somethin they cant get(: People and their judgemental eyes, always scrutinizing gays, lesbians and bi's as through their some sorta of alien spieces. Belittling and condescending them, us, we, just because of our preferences? Poks sent me an article on gay guys by T. wang. And it got me thinking(fo real), "Does it really change who we truely are inside? Does it change the way we treat people with kindness or compassion even if we were GLB(gay/les/bi)?"


Nope. It doesnt change a person that way, so then why does this society have a stereotypical thinking against it? GLB's are prettier, more handsome and more capable than most of the straight population! Now I'm not saying that my straight friends are worst or lower, I'm just saying dont judge people by what you see on the surface. But I can justify, my list of friends are considered by some, disgusting, because they consist of gays, lesbians and bi's. Lemme shed some light on you my friend, GLB's are far more fun to be around why? Because their not afraid to be who they are, so much so that their proud of themselves! They dont need to live up to the standards of society because they've seen pass it, seen through it, and they've created a world entirely their own. They've accepted who they are. Their happy with where they are even if it were in straight standards(hit rock bottom), and I'm starting to wonder, why I ever took the straight's sides before, now I see its just a whole load of bafoony! Being gay dont mean your loserific, it dont mean your stupider, it dont mean that your gonna lose out at sports, it dont mean anything, it's just a label, a label that gives straight people the parogative to stereotype against.


I've got a friend who gets 6 points for olvls, bubbly, and fucking fun to hang out with, having leadership positions, maintain a stable relationship with her love and friends, she can walk around proudly with her girlfriend and not to mention she never fails to burn me. I've also got a friend, he's more artistic then any straight guy, he's got a kinder-heart, he's more fun to be with then with a straight guy, when all they think about is trying to impress you. Dont try to impress because that just turns me off even more, if I'm with you, I'm already impressed by you thats why I bother to hang with you, otherwise you wouldnt be on my humongdar(Jane's human existence radar) not to mention hes got nicer taste in music than most straight guys who only listen to NOISE, onna whole, I believe gay guys are more refined then most straights. Likka friend once said "Straight guys are boring, now gay guys, they are my new love! So fun to be with!" Kudos to that! I feel a strong sense of pride for them, even though my religion, family and conscience goes against it. God understands that, He created love and everything about it, so who are we to pass our judgemental views upon it? Being a gay or les or bi, doesnt make a difference, there's still the word love in it, we still care for each other, there is no perfect love, there is no perfect harmony, there is no such thing as perfection, it is only how we want to see it. Love him or love her, why not just love them? We are all humans, we've got a heart, and does it matter who takes it away? Nope, if you let something so simple get in the way of happiness, you might as well dont look for it in the first place. Happiness can be found in even the most unexpected places, that I've learnt and I've learn it well.


I have a new found respect for them, us, we. So what if the person's gay? Your not gonna be his/er friend just because of that? Thats dumb, trust me, I know dumb real well. Well all I have to say is, your gonna miss out on a life time of fun. I've got gay friends that look better than striaght people, I've got lesbian friends more kind hearted and prettier than most bitches out there, I've got Bi friends funnier than life itself. Yet people judge them before they get to know them, fortunately, I didnt make that mistake, "If you judge someone, you wont have time to love them."- Mother Theresa. So I've given everyone chance(s) to be my friend, but there are certain few that run on my kind-heartedness and test it. I wasnt defeated, I killed those people's huge egos, just like I'll kill anyone's pride/ego/self-esteem/self confidence if they cross my THICK line and start getting my on nerves. She deserved it, those of you who know her, send her my "love", shove it up ya pie hole you motherfucking biatch!(: Like Janey and Jane says "Thanks bitch, you taught me a lot."


CHEERS TO ALL GAYS, LESBIANS, BISEXUALS AND STRAIGHTS!

You make my world, really really I dont wanna change any of you why? Because you've been in my friend's list for many reasons(:


Janey, city tall ah. RRRReally ah? city tall? And Janey embarrassed herself and me ytd. She gave up her sit to a NON-PREGNANT WOMAN. HAHAHAH and I followed thinking 'um janey, why you getting you? she aint preggers' HAHAHAHHA! And we took a train from bugis(meet lanzy) to cityhall...1 stop and i swear SOMEONE FARTED on the train!! So i said "omg. i smell fart. Someone farted." quite loud... HAHAHAH!




Ps. MOOSE MOOSE MOOOOOOSE. hahaha! Know me better through this? Thats my thinking on this issue.




Monday, September 8, 2008
Unknowingly burning yourself.

Just one thing to say.

Janey and I decided not to go to the wholesaler but instead, she chose to BITCH. HAHAHA. One can only listen at such times and laugh at some people's stupidity.




Sunday, September 7, 2008
Maurice, thanks for fixing my SCHEDULE SO FULLY NEXT WEEK YOU BITCH!!

PIG. PLEASE DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID! My folks are there and will KEEEL ME.

Busy Busy day. Cept I slept from 1-5pm...HAHAHAHAH! Met piggy and elvi to settle the chalet shit. AND piggy was happily...!!!!!...and...old folk might have heard SOMETHING! AHHH!

Nothing to be said today, just that.

I've asked for forgiveness and pardon, hope its granted. HAHAHA! I need that right now. I...I...I feel evil.

Tomorrow. Janey and I are going to .... where again? HAHAHAH! Wholesaler! RIGHTTT

Tuesday. Breakfast, with.....yeahhh.. Dinner with poks, anthea, lucky and sexy. WAFFLES..Mm Mm GOOOOOOOOD.

Wednesday. busy busy busy.

Thurdays. Im going to force piggy and whoever that stays over to have breakfast with me. DIE DIE WILL EAT BREAKFAST WITH ME.

Friday. Depends on what you want to do no?

Saturday. Bryan's gig/ lucky's bday dinner

Sunday. church + prayer = contented.