I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, April 25, 2009

"What if our love had never went away. What if it's lost behind... Baby before it's too late, what about now?"

OMG! Sorry! I forgot. I was busy playing mahjong with Poks and Anthea! HAHAHAHA! Yes, I know you missed me and the only way into my head is my blog. Awww it's okay, Im sure I miss you too. Whoevr you are, that is.

Okay Im just blabbering nonsense. Im not in my right mind. But I only miss one person, and she distracted me from MahJong cause she kept popping into my head while I was playing.

Does she even remember who I was? Does she even bother smiling at me anymore? Does she miss me the way I miss her. Does she...

This is for you lianzy. Awww I lurblurb euu too worx!! Sick shit.

*Roars with laughter* HAAHAHAHA! Why Lianz never flare up at me on her blog uh? Awwwww buddies, got no show for you): Why no vulguar "cum"s and "farker"s huh? She only ask me to teach her. Dumb shit.

Little girl, what gave you the impression that I was forgiving and compassionate? What makes you think I sympathise with your sad life story? What I hate more than hypocrits are people who victimize themselves. You want to be the victim? I'll make that happen for you, ass wipe.

I've wasted enough space here. If you want to ask me why, ask it to my face. I'll spare you the false truths.

Song of the day: If This Isn't Love by Jennifer Hudson.
I know I aint crazy, I know I aint trippin', I know I aint slippin', I know that its love.




Friday, April 24, 2009

"I love you too much it shows, all my emotions go out of control.."

CHAR BO left school!! Omg I sad, really. Fuck, I just lifted my mood then I found out she left. Oh great, I need to go iron out my emotions again. Vet lost a smarty. Bio's bout to lose me soon.

I lost track of what I wanted to say, blanked, so you'll just read what my head coughed out. After I post this, I need to get a pen and pen this poem down.

Unbreaking the broken

Night and day I wait to say,
Front and back it's a heart attack,
Waiting and hoping you'd be smiling,
Wishing my words were stronger.

I guess my words weren't enough,
Who was I trying to bluff,
Maybe I'm not good enough,
My words cant make you feel loved.

If I couldn't get it the first time,
Maybe it's not meant to be mine,
I guess I'll be here til the next chime,
Then maybe this time you'll climb.

I disappointed you everytime...

Song of the day: Thinking Of You by Katy Perry




Thursday, April 23, 2009

"Baby I think we're doomed cause I love you."

Feeling better today. Less psycho-killer-ish. I think I'll live. The happier part of my day was that number2 stayed up til 4am(3pm sg time) to talk to me. Hahahaha! Im evil right? Making a friend stay up. I didnt force him!

Talked bout our problems and joked about poddy hating me. He's on girlfriend #15, it was #13 the last time we spoke(which was 2 weeks ago). Yeah, he changes girlfriends like wiping his ass after diarrohea.

Face it dumbdumb some holes cant be filled*GRINS*

Made a promise to go back after Poly to have dinner with him and his family. HAHAHA LOVE HIS MUMMY! Cute woman. I miss her bear hugs and home-made cookies!

Hahahaha! Something hilarious. I called number2 a "sotong", he didnt know what it meant and thought it was a compliment. HAHAHAHAH! That dumbdumb.

Tv's really boring. Like no shows that I like to watch is on. Jane thinks "Paris Hilton's new BFF" is ridiculous, only blondes would actually watch the whole thing.

Which part of me remotely looks like I want to be Paris Hilton's BFF? I'd prolly beat her empty head off her body on sight. I'll prolly get a noble prize for raising the average human IQ for killing Paris.

Playing Mahjong is bloody addictive. I was playing Mahjong and I thought of this poem. Enjoy. Hahaha! The poem's title is to "tease" penguins. HAHAHAHAH! Pigs can give penguins a run for their money leh. Okay thats like total bullshit but thats not the point.

Will you be my little pig?

I dont want to share you,
Because they will hurt you,
Treat you like their fool,
Baby if only you knew.

Wanted to tell you everything,
Everything you couldnt see me doing,
But I'll stay in the back watching,
Over you til you're happily dreaming.

Patiently waiting for you to turn,
And think of what I'd say in return.
What would you like to hear m'dear,
Something sincere or should I disappear.

I'll never keep you against your will,
Your dreams are all I want to fulfill,
Your enemies are those I want to kill,
But I'll wait until your standing still.

To tell you again how I feel...

Song of my uneventful stay home day: The Last Night by Skillet




Wednesday, April 22, 2009

"I feel like dying, I want this feeling to end."

Untitled

You woke me from my sleep,
Damn this feeling's deep,
Are you watching me bleed,
Your words are misleading me.

I want to say something,
but you will hear nothing,
because Im hesitating,
Just to say something.

Hesitating cause I dont know why,
why you're saying these things,
Do you mean for them to sting,
Or are you just pulling my heart strings.

Am I really nothing to you,
Or am I suppose to be real,
Are your words really true,
Or are they just blues.

If your hearts not mine,
Please dont show me signs,
It pains me cause its malign,
But if you're not fine.

You can have me,
Theres no fees,
My attention's free,
Just smile for me.

I dont know what to do.

School's ridiculous. I totally have no motivational incentive. Snails move faster than "time" luh. The lectures are fuckingly inaudible. I only like DNA.

But I see stupid fugly bengs and bucktooth lians trying to act likka chao chibai thinking that she owns the world. Part of me begs her to punch me in my face. Im sadistic with that much anger.

Where is she when I need to hear her voice and see her smile to calm me down.

I've rarely dealt with my anger meter that high. I've not dealt with anger as much as the other emotions. So if I seem annoyed or agitated, please dont add on my extreme mood.

It's taxing. Haven't eaten much and Im falling sick. My facial expression is a constant frown. My eyes are dangerous slits. I feel hollow. This feeling is like dying slowly.

But I really am trying my best to surpress it. Im at my snapping point. I need to hear your voice, its the voice that calms my unflinching rage, dont fade, not now, stay with me for awhile.

Miley, Im waiting for yo explaination on Friday. Dont give me wishy washy bullshit, you of all people know I'll walk out on that. Thank God Anthea stands up for you, all of us are waiting for your explaination.

Song of the day: Cross My Heart by Marianas Trench
Take me with you, I start to miss you. Take me home, I dont wanna be alone tonight.




To Miley.

Chill people. The walking out thought was for Miley. He walked out on us without explaining and expects us to understand? I really was stupid to believe your words. Dammit I trusted you.

I was up til 3am thinking. So you listen well.

Wo dui ni hen shi wang. How could you make Anthea cry, ass. Maybe you dont know how much you hurt her, but she was the one who fought with Bryan to stand up for you. What have you done for her huh?

Both Anthea and I were there for you when you needed someone grumble to, needed a shoulder. And you walked out on us when all I wanted for you to do was TELL ME WHY.

You want me to understand you, tell me why, thats the only way I'll understand you better. Use the word, "BECAUSE". Just cause we dont understand what your going through means we are not real friends? Come on boy, you havent even EXPLAINED yourself.

I understand the feeling of being walked out on, dumped one side, put away, left on the shelf. Thats why I'll never do such a thing to people I love, you! I never put you away, you were like my soft toy, I brought you everywhere I went, told you everything, told you my secrets, shared my candy, played lego with you, because I love you as my buddy. Shield you from their harmful words. Kept you in the safety of my arms like all my other buddies.

You dont know how much we love you, for your stewpid flaws, for your stewpidness, that was what made you you. And I loved you flaws and all. I accepted your flaws, that's a special thing about being my buddy, I tolerant nonsense but not from everyone, people I love.

Was telling me why too much to ask? You kept saying its you you you. No its not. Why did you just leave when the going gets tough. We meant so little, that you can just put us one side?

You didnt make me cry, you made me angry. You showed me that I meant so little to you. You showed me that we meant so little to you. You were my buddy, I had your back through your tough times, now you want to walk out on us, me? Ni dui wo tai shi wang le bah.

Did I do something wrong? What did I do wrong? Have I told you lies? Did I not tell you it was going to be okay?

I want to understand you, I really do. But boy you gotta help me. Im not God, I cant read your mind.




"I should've known, Im stupid to believe words."

Im calm. Hahahahahaha! Lightened up with the mood.

Cats was fantastic. I think some chikopehs might have nose bled. *hides bloody tissue* Hahahahaha! The performers were wearing SKIN TIGHT cat suits. Hot, indeed.

Second part's best cause my favourite kitty(Rum Tum Tugger aka John O'Hara) grinning back at me while hoping down the 3 steps. Yeah, mummy got front row seats.

And my favourite she-kitty played with my hair *GRINS* whoa. Sounds wrong. Its just the interacting with the audience. I-gawd-knows her kitty name or dancer name.

Overall critic for CATS: 9/10 for deco. 8.5/10 for musical(plus 0.2 for cute kitties).

Got scolded by mummy because of BIOpolis. Speaking of biopolis or whatever its called.

Sherie was in my group for the whole tour. She and I were joking bout the gel thingy. Just pump water into the gel and it expands. *thinks and falls off chair laughing*

After he said it expanded with water, sherie and I looked at each other.
J: Eh you want more water?
S: Hahahaha! Yeah, this month I want it to be huge.
J: Pump more water, make them into water-melons.
S: HAHAHAHAHAHA! What the fuck. Sick shit.
Bryan: Yeah what all SAC one.
J&S: Eh! No lo.
J: imagine if you pump more water in the...*pause*
*sherie and jane clicked for 1 second and laughed our asses off*

We got to the korean scientist(and still laughing), after he was 3/4 done with his explaination. Sherie was like "What the fuck is he saying?" (clearly not listening) But seriously, I was squating in front of him and I didnt even get him, I was reading the boards.

Fire drills make my day.

TIFFY, I didnt hear a THANK YOU for bringing you to the BOOKSHOP. Still can happily push me onto the grass. Next time you are lost uh! I wont help you man! HAHAHHA!

This aint a poem, its incoherent thoughts of different things.

They stare as if I committed a crime.
They speak as if I spoke lies.
They think as if I was guilty.
They dont know shit.

She's as guilty as everyone.
He's as unscary as anoyone.
They're as judgemental as them.
They dont know shit.

I'll only play your fool once.
I let down my guard.
Watch me walk away.
Im already at the door.

Song of the day: I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace




Tuesday, April 21, 2009

"I run but I cant seem to hide from you."

Can I have you then? If I cant then why are your words teasing me.

Mummy scolded me over the phone for going on a school trip. That's like perfect. Imagined if I skipped school, shit, I'll be hung by my toes.

CATS REVIEW WHEN I GET BACK! Hahahaha funny, Im home at 5:18pm. CIAO




Monday, April 20, 2009

"If only you could hear my thoughts, if you cant hear it then feel it."

I should step on bird poopoo more often. Im happy today, even though I was told my face had a pained expression on it. Reason why. Read on.

During FPATH. I hated it most, sitting behind JOHNSON because I had to resist the urge of whacking his head off his body with my sadistic novel.

Hallelujah, I found a brainless human.

Johnson: What if someone uses my name? So I must put underscore and stuff.
Bryan: Wow I didnt know there was so many people named 'idiot'.

Hahahahahah We were sitting behind him somemore. Omg. We are evil. But seriously, he's annoying. If he was in my class. Oh gawd. My clique will have a field day.

Speaking of school. ISMAIL. YOU BETTER STOP EMO-ing!

If you keep leaving your emotions unchecked, you will suffer buddy. If you love her, you shouldnt be hurting her or yourself. Learn to control your emotions and not let them control you.

I know why I havent been eating or feeling well.

They dont make decisions for me, I am the one facing the music. It's my responsibility, no one else's. Let's prove them wrong, Im tired of hearing their voices.

If it makes you feel happier, then my heart will learn to love again. My heart not my brain has the answer.

Song of the day: Gimme a chance by Plain White T's




Sunday, April 19, 2009

"There's nothing I wouldn't do, baby if I only knew."

I stepped on bird poopoo today. Bird poopoo is good luck, according to mummy. She says it's luck for 4D. Good parenting right? Telling a minor about gambling. Mama es amor.

Jane wants to kill Singapore's Ebay, really. *throws a bitchfit* It's smaller than my spellable word range.

Gawd-awful BOREDOM.

Finding more gawd-awful bands and talking to gawd-awfully mannered people with nothing but gawd-awful words to say. Reading gawd-awfully grammar-ed posts.

All the gawd-awfulness is really gawd-awful. Truely a gawd-awful cyber life. That's really positive of you Jane, good job good job.

Poddy killed me today. He deleted 12gb's worth of videos, 8gb's(1600++ songs) worth of songs and now poddy has NOTHING in it. *whines loudly*

I feel like beating poddy's brains out with my mini-inflatable-ribena-punchbag.

Hahahahaha! It's hilarious to listen mummy comment on things she reads in the newspaper.

"Haaaaiyoooo. How can Jean Danker come from RGS? She's from Mary Mount Convent. She's where she should be, not in RGS! She say people say she looks like she's from RGS. What a joke."

(Note: Mummy's from RGS. Feel the anger?)

Lemme grasp this fact. Tomorrow morning, when I lazily drag my ass outta bed, I have school. *whines* Goodbye 12:30pm oinky's up wakie wakies, Hello 8:00am eh you're gonna be late la wakie wakies.

Eh eh eh eh. Im 44.2% asian, partly cause I dont track much anime, but I watch ang moh cartoons like FAMILY GUY and The Simpsons. Oh I love it. PETER and STEWIE GRIFFIN are fuckin' hilarious.

HAHAHAHAH! I know Im not the only Singaporean watching Family Guy. I watched the whole episode which was ridiculously hilarious. Youtube it. "Family guy - Electric man" HAHAHAHA!

Song of the day: I need you tonight by Backstreet Boys