I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Saturday, December 6, 2008
OVERDUED

Its funny how only the person in the situation can truely judge for themselves, asking for help is redundant because no one can comprehend the situation better than you.

That is what I learn, fast learner? Hahaha! Im not a slow learner, I just cant be bothered to learn until something bad happens. HAHAHAHAAHHA! WHOOP DEE DOO.

Hm Hm Hm Hm. So many things to do yet so little time to accomplish them. The things to do shall be left one side first.

Recent events have set in motion a series of consequences to be faced. I am not looking forward to seeing my friends face that. Because innocent bystanders like maself gonna be collateral damage.

Things are going to get nasty, real quick, real soon. And I've been told to sit this one out. For the simple reason it involves almost all of my close buddies.

Dont worry, Jane doesnt plan on getting in on any of this drama. I have a heart to please and have to do some damage control for my brain's heartlessness.

I've listened to my gut and it tells me, if I were to get involved, I'd have to pick sides, which I am absolutely half hearted about. But IRONICALLY Im already standing feet firm on one side.
Gawd, oh shoot me already.

HAHAHAHAHAHA Met lanzy for chinese noodles, DAM FUCKING HILARIOUS. That smelly chibai came up with the "T-roll" aka TROLL. HAHAHHA! Her new hobby. I cant help but laugh.

Got me one of them expensive EDC shirts, cost me like 30bucks. Dumb or dumb ah? If I online shopped with that monay...mighta gotten like 3 shirts. Oh wells. Add this buddy to my edc shirt collection. Next in line are LEVIS shirts.

Only got one): Mummy bought it fo ma birthday present. HMM. LOVE IT.

Ive done waaaaaaay too much thinking for one day. Contemplating, considering, confusing myself. Hohohoookayyyy....enough.

My mind has only space for one person at a time, and well, insignificant hypocrites have no place innit, so he can just say byebye to my attention, hes getting none.




To: The person who all my italised words are for.

Holyshit. Jane is a fucking moron now.

The pieces finally fit and I finally understood the misunderstood. God, forgive me.

I didnt realise what I was doing was actually hurting you. Fuck. How could I be so stupid.

After I read what I've been missing out for a good week. I feel like killing myself.

If you could miraculously find some way of forgiving me, if it's slapping me, or screaming your head off at me. I will be more than happy to accept it.

Now I know what you're crying about. I really wish I could turn back time and take back all the bullshit I've been coughing at you in ignorance. I honestly dont want you to cry. I didnt mean to hurt you.

I was a fucking idiot, yes I was and still am.

If you wish for me to say it to you in person I will. You can slap me as well. I deserve it.

I am sorry.

If only my words carried more value would they actually mean something, but now they are just words coming from a sincerely sorry moron.

-fucking idiot




Friday, December 5, 2008
Fly away.

Gawd. I really want to shut my eyes, close it hard, and when I open it, I want everything to just disappear.

Im not depressed, Im just....short of words. I really am driving myself insane. Dont worry, Im not crumbling, I just dont feel like speaking.

I am, conflicted. Its not about people, its about the situation that the people are in.

Im just standing by the side spectating. I dont want to pick between two halves of me, and I dont. I wont say whose right or wrong because I love them all. And if I love someone, I do no harm to them.

I dont want to piss anyone off, I dont want to hurt anyone, I just want, peace. Gawd, Im so sick of getting angry and being angry.

I want to slap myself for doubting Sam for 5 minutes. But after miley told me something, that made me miss trusting that the person would never do sucha thing. I feel crapper-licious.


My head's in the right place, my heart's in the wrong place. Im so tired of fify. Shes a spoilt brat, and I let her be this way. I spoil my heart, its alright. I deal with the consequences.

I see no point in scolding fify, whats done is done. If you people dont know already, fify is my heart, old man jones is my brain.

Aside of all the crap. Went to some fish farm today with poks, anthea and bryan. Bryan wanted to get fishes for his tank. HAHAHAHA! Got tons of pictures of weird fishes, but too lazy to load them.

Dinnered with anthea. I like dinners with anthea cause we talk about problems. Ive got nothing to hide but everything to lose, but I trust her.

Tomorrow, Janey, lanzy and I are going to have a nice long talk. My bestests need to be filled in. Dont worry, those of you who think I speak bad of you(: Im not angry at anyone now.

If only life was so simple. Black and white, like how my brain sees things. No grey scale.
If your not angry with the person, your really not. If your not sad with something, your really not. If your not happy with the person, your really not.

I feel abnormal being that kinda person. If I say its not you, its really not you. If I say Im not angry, I really am not. If I say Im unhappy, I really am unhappy.

Would you believe me if I told you, "I wont hurt you, I really have no intention off hurting you." or would you still think I'd hurt you?

Lesley, dont answer this, I know your answer already.

The Hell song by Sum41, fits my mood now.

Best line of the day, "ROCK IS DEAD. PAPER KILLED HIM."




Thursday, December 4, 2008
BANG

LONG POST AGAIN(due to ley's convo)

Gawd. If your trying to get on my nerves, you've just about out done yourself.

Today's forecast was suppose to be crappy, in the sense that CELLB was cancelled or rather, for the people who need extra help. Which indirectly means, no Sam. Great. Planned on just laying low and breeze through today.

However, unexpected circumstances left me rather happy, for the first part of the day, at least. Had my fill of sammy today. Only person who seems to be able to cheer me up. Cept lanzy, who took my mind offa arsehole-rific people for like....10mins. HAHAH!

Yet I feel suffocated by the people around me(not all of yo asses people, some.) One cant let go, one cant stop pissing me off, one cant let go of my biological pump, one cant stop acting likka fucking 4yr old.

You roll your eyes at me when I talk about Sam. Who are you to say anything? Still in your relationship and chasing/falling for someone else? Tell me that aint fucked up. Theres a big difference between you and I. IM SINGLE, YOUR ATTACHED.

I swear, this time it's for real. Sam and anthea and miley are the only people holding me back. I am really really really up to here *points to ma frickin eyeball* with the amount of bullshit people throw at me, throw enough bullshit, things get NASTY.

OK OK HAPPY STUFF HAPPY STUFF.

SAM. Thats as happy as happy can get alright. Well at least for me.

IM SO DAMN HAPPY FOR YOU MILEY!!

Gonna let yall in on something between me and that gay purple ranger whose name is Lesley.

Ley: Oh look what I found yellow ranger! A pen!
Jane: jeez ley. HAHAAHA! for the last time im the RED ONE R.E.D. oneee!! go away for now, i dun feel like talking
ley: ok yellow ranger whatever you say. but can you at least tell me why yellow?
jane: purple. a friend.
ley: oh. shes not over yet? yellow.
jane: i have no idea, shes sppose to be the one over me.
ley: simple.
jane: hm?
ley: piss her off.
jane: are you drunk?
ley: well...i did hav a cup of orange juice...not my fault mom made me drink one.
jane: HAHAHAHAHA! mamma's boy.
ley: so how bout it yellow?
jane: i believe shes already pissed at me man HAHAHHA sorry to burst your rose coloured bubble.
ley: purple coloured.
jane: huh?
ley: PURple coloured bubble.
jane: gawd your gay.
ley: yes im happy. im talking to you.
jane: your not sam. it doesnt count. *drools at sam*
ley: awwww matt will be so sad.
jane: matt can go suck your thumb! HAHAHAH! so whats this "piss the person off plan"?! how does it work?
ley: exactly what its titled. see? im better than those stupid scientists, my formulas are exactly what they're bout.
jane: *raised eye brow* uh huh. whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart. oh PURRRple heart.
ley: oh seductive. but no. im busy with my orange. dont start before i start smooching it. my mom's right next to me reading the papers.
jane: alright. did you read bout michael? dam saddening can. the person is already pissed at me luh.
ley: i know. i read. *tells me blog link*
jane: HUH?! i never sent you the link what!! how did you get it?!
ley: i have my sources.
jane: disgusting. go away luh stalker. *points to the corner* go go
ley: *walks to the corner* my ass too fat lah! get me another corner! dun be selfish with the 90degree angle!
jane: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAH! omg. stop making me laugh luh! annoying can. hey. can i talk to you some other time buddy? bit busy now. tell you what...we'll hav dinner soon.

My brain wave has only 3 points. S node for sudden happiness. A valve for immediate smile. M-tricle for prolonged happiness. Relatively simple compared to the cardiac cycle.

Ending off happy, makes me happy.




Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Always talkin' bout whatchu got.

CAUTION LONG POST

Im super duper uber happy now and it will carry over til tomorrow. Didnt see sam for one day, the second day's SO MUCH NICER. GAWD. *grins likka fucktard*
Waiting for a day was so WORTH it. Im contented.

Couldnt stop smiling, couldnt stop myself from having fun in LABBBB, couldnt help but laugh at anything and everything. Its the type of high I never want to end. The things I'd do to have you do that one more time.

Im serious man. Once Pauly Cheung said, "alright thats all for today." Fify literally leaped with joy.

Anthea reminded me of someone today. Old man jones totally dismissed my initial concern for that person's well being, but fify had to speak up. I shrug and dont really pay much attention, well how can I when Sam's around?

I'll keep that in the back of my head yeah? HAHAHA! Not very important now. *thinks again* Not important at all actually.

-STORY TIME BEGINS-

I am a painter(just play along with me), not a veteran nor a newbie, I know the tricks of the trade.

One day, a customer enters, lets call this customer Fred. Fred sees my art pieces and is not say impressed nor horrified. He proceeds on to tell me, paint me a masterpiece. As the painter, I'd do my very best to please a customer no? Vibrant, light-hearted and enjoyable are descriptions for the piece.

I, start working on the layout, setting, everything. So I'm already half-way through this piece of work.

The next day, Fred comes back to me, saying he has a change of heart and wants something more sober in nature, not to flashy. Being a painter, I oblige. Get started and just scrape the other painting, starting a new.

Fred returns, this time, upset that I changed the setting, mood, colour, vibrance. Calls me a bipolar painter, that doesnt understand painting. Its alright, being hurt is only natural.

So this time I ask, "Is this what you want? The colour, mood, everything?", the customer replies, "yes."

Angry at being called a bipolar painter. Im not a zwitter-painter.

I start again, this time, putting more into it than I did for the first few times. I like to do things once and in the best of my ability. The masterpiece is almost complete.

Fred returns, he looks at it, shakes his head and says he doesnt like the piece and doesnt think my style of painting suits his taste. And walks out without wanting anything more to do with a painter like myself. Naturally, heartbroken for putting in so much effort only to be told off. I take it in my stride, its alright. Not everyone will like my painting style.

A new customer enters, shows interest in the art pieces. At this very moment, Fred returns, doesnt say anything, just looks at the pieces again, and is fickle mindedly wanting to get some.

Conflicted, I consult fellow painters on past experiences with customers, all conclude that it isnt worth spending time pleasing this customer. So I didnt give much attention to Fred. He comes back to me, being angry for the messed up painting and me not putting enough into the painting. Trying to understand where I went wrong here, being nice, understanding and tolerant.

Having noticed that I was putting way too much effort in something that wouldnt turn out good. Fellow painters, jeer and scrutinize me. Still, I'll take it in my stride.

So I continue to give this new customer, Sam, attention. Trying to paint Sam a nice picture, putting aside all the pain I took in while living up to Fred's expectations of a masterpiece. Now fellow painters arrive, seeing what Fred is doing, realising that, it was never mine to call. They are upset and cant understand why I'd tolerant sucha customer, I silence them by taking the guilt on my shoulders. I dont blame anyone else for a failed painting.

I never blame anyone for my mistakes.

There is no moral of this story, but if you are sharp enough to pick it up the underneath of the underneath, you will see the pain of fustration the painter has endured. HAHAHA!

-STORY TIME ENDS-

The funniest thing of today. Water tech lecture link up lt. Played taide throughout the lecture.

Anthea said something that was damn ironic, and funny at the same time.

*Miley acting likka monkey*

"Miley if you dont stop, I'll push you down then run over to the other LT and tell them it was an accident."

Do you people SEE the IRONY involved? NO? Alright.

For one, we're in a SEPARATE LT, no one in the other LT can see us, or know what happens for that matter.

For second, Anthea will run to the other LT. =.o RUN? Whats the rush? Let miley fall and die. HAHAHAHAHAH!




Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I HEART HAM SAMWICH.

UH!! HO HO While you bastards are slogging off at school. Me and my idle ass stays at home. Basking in the oh so burning sun. Since I've got so much time to waste, I'll take my time to cough out this post.

Firstly, its been awhile since I paid the lianz blog a visit, so curious lil me decided to today! Oh yippie.

What struck me was that, the chinese story was about her and her picodick dardar. For one, shes doubting his love for her. I dont understand why when you love someone so much yet you fucking doubt the person.

Either way, she isnt Sam nor has she any connections with me, so just like her dardar, she's of no significance to me.

HOLLAY SHIT. Someones a grouch today no?

I have a conclusion why Im sucha grouch today.

NO SAM. GAWD. C'mon man. Its only one cruddy day. It wont kill. *remembers what I promised myself*

Still contemplating going to school to crash music with lanzy. But I decided not to.

Either way, I wont get too down cause of that. I'll see Sam tomorrow. Its alright. I'll see Sam everyday anyway.

ANTHEA! SWITCH COURSE WITH ME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

BMIC LAB *GRINNNNNS*

Ive been contemplating watching the musical RENT. Anthea says its really nice, though I've watched many broadway plays and musicals. Im half-hearted.

Not to mention term test is around the corner, I HAVENT EVEN STARTED STUDYING....not that I have any intention on studying. Who studies when I have to feed my turtles? PSSSH

BMIC is aight(del sim is the SHITS MAN!!WHOO!)
HPI is up to standard(ms Rozi and her lambasting of questions at me)
CELLB is no where near standards(20/30 isnt shit) *throws tantrum*
Math is alright (no distractions HAHA!)

(I blame it on distractions during lecture, NOTHING more fun than CELLB lect and Pauly Cheung alright. *Coughs, mumbles something and grins*)

Nothing lasts forever, so hold on tight while is last.




Monday, December 1, 2008
Simple & brilliant.

YIPPIE. Tomorrow Im spared from going to school *prances around throwing confetti*

Yader Yader Yader. Out of this joy comes bitterness, I dont get a piece of ham.

Today was in short, lustrous.

*prances around anthea in circles sprinkling confetti*

I got to look into the pair of eyes that I've been waiting to stare into for the whole weekend. It was heaven but it killed me. The amount of effort I have to put into looking away, this is the first time I ever had to do this, the saying, "I do what I want." does not apply here.

Now the saying, "Look but dont touch.* applies.

Im driving myself insane.

OMG. Paiseh like fuck cannnnn.
Today during HPI lect. I was NOT SLEEPING NOR DOZING OFF! I was just resting my face on my knuckles, after a semi-long-no-sam-yet day.

Out of nowhere Ms. Rozi was like "JANE! Dont sleep!" INTO THE BLOODY MICROPHONE!! *falls off the chair fainting* (Note: 3 lt's worth of students can hear her, loud and clear) I ended up punching myself in the jaw.

The MOST IRONIC thing was LUCKY was sitting beside me SLEEPING!! *throws tantrum and the whole bucket of confetti at Ms. Rozi* BOOOOO!

Anthea concluded, Ms Rozi loves to pick on me, EVERY TUTORIAL, without fail, she'll ask me to answer questions!!

The thing that really cracked my day was SAM. HAHAHHAHA DAMMMMN FUCKING HILARIOUS. It went down like... I promised myself that I'll be shallow here. So its for me to know and you never to find out.

There was a grin on my face for more than 15minutes, it didnt disappear, it didnt fade, it was me being drop dead happy for the first time in weeks.

After I heard it, my knees went soft and I just broke down laughing my ass off in Cheers. Everyone thought I was crazy, literally.

I swear the feeling was so much better than taking a dozen cans of red bull or breezers. I felt my whole fucking messed up world and all the bullshit lifted. I was literally prancing around cept only I got no confetti.


I dunno whether to cry or to laugh my ass off. I was happily typing this post out, miley goes "AJNE" on msn. I was like "wah wah wah so now you forget how to SPELL MY NAME LUH!"....he proceeds on to asking me to watch something on youtube. Nothing out of the ordinary.

What caught me off guard was, its CHINESE RAP. "Come on by energy"

GAWWWWWWWWD. Wtf was I thinking? After watching 30seconds of the GAYEST CHINESE RAP Ive seen in....forever... I closed it replying miley's question.

"Miley thats got to be THE gayest chinese shit Ive ever SEEN."

I dont know why(I really have no idea, usually I understand why but not this time), I am more affected by Michael's wife's death compared to all the stuff that I've been through for the past months.

I dedicate this song to Michael, I hope your heart can bare this pain, your not alone.
Forever by Marc Nelson.

*thought pops into my head*
*drools*
*slaps self*

Nothing lasts forever, so hold on tight while it last.




Sunday, November 30, 2008
HAM-OHOLIC

Its raining. WOOOHOOO!

Tomorrow is Monday! YESSU FUCKERDU YESSU! Weekend is finally OVER. It keels me, not to have my piece of ham. Cant keep my hands outta the ham jar already.
*thinks about term break*
*goes into cardiac arrest*
*shrivels ups ands dies*

TWO WEEKS?! GAWD I CANT EVEN STAND TWO DAYS!!
*shrivels ups ands dies again*

KEEL ME, JUST KEEL ME NOW.
*goes back to thinking bout term break*

NEUUU): I say, term break ah, my schedule better be packed full, otherwise I'll start missing a fucking slice of meat.....LESLEY. Your free right? Book you every-bloody-day of the week. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I feel like going onna drunken escapade. Drinking my fill and shopping my fill. Afterall its Christmas and the spirit of giving is in the air....yeah....giving to myself alright.

*thinks about term break again again*
Im getting tired suppressing this.

*thinks*

Too much drama for me to handle.

*dies*

Auto-cheerio-system activated

HEY HEY HEY! BMIC LAB is only 3 days away. Plus you get to see ham EVERYDAY.

Aiyuh fuck up luh you whining motherfucker. I keel you.

Auto-cheerio-system disabled

I WANT MY OATMEAL RAISIN ASIAN COOKIE): *ahem* Oh sorry. PIECE OF OATMEAL RASIN HAM.

*thinks about it*

Rephrase- Theres no such thing as oatmeal raisin ham.

Aiyuh fuck up again luh. Ohkay. Bye bitches. I have something important to attend to. Something that people with no life's gotta do.

No, not whimpering over ham. Yes, I space alot so you people will think Im writing a lot.