I'll bleed this skyline dry
Hear Me Out

I like to give excuses for everything and anything. If Im not in the mood to do anything, I idle around.

I let my friends say as they please, but that don't mean I agree with what they say. I just accept that its their opinion.

I can be an ass hole. I can be the nicest person on earth. Just depends on who you are(:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." -Matthew 5:8

Complains?
Thursday, January 15, 2009

Before you read this post, please listen to "Do you remember" by Aaron Carter, while reading this. This is my only request, it's the soundtrack to this post, feel it with the song I wrote it with.

I was having a perfect day. Perfect, really.

Then you came along and fucked it all up. *shrugs* It's alright, we are only human.

Nothing much of this day. Its insignificant.

Everytime I look over, I see you stare just a little too long. But I cant take my eyes off of you. I start to wonder why. Anthea dismisses 3/4 of them. This is agony.

I am torn between what I want and my best friends. How do I pick. This isnt a question, I bite my lip, close my eyes and smile, its the only answer I can give my bestie, this is pathetic.

Here is your answer.

I loved you, I really do and no one in the world could have change how I felt, no one not even you, because you had my heart, whole. I really was dying inside to hold you, hug you, kiss you and just plain oh spoil you.

I thought you didnt like talking, everytime I brought up something touchy, I feel closed off. And I dont understand, I really want to understand because I really did care for you. I admit, I did shut off, I did mess things up.

And I really thought we were going to have more time, more time to sort things out, to get things right, to understand each other. It caught me off guard, because I thought we had time, afterall it was barely a month plus. Nothing ever progresses that fast.

I didnt care that you couldnt express yourself, I didnt care that you didnt repay me for anything, I didnt care about what people thought of us being together, and lastly, I didnt care that you had flaws, no one's perfect, that I understand.

All I cared about was that you were happy, and I have high standards for myself, if you werent happy, then neither will I. Yes, I do have high expectations, for me to fill, not you, you are perfect just being who you are. I was going to work hard, do anything to see you smile.

I thought that in time, you'd start to trust me and open up to me, tell me things that you tell your diary. I know that even if a person closes off, with enough time and love, they open up. I was more than happy to wait for you to. Because I wanted you to be comfortable, and not feel as though you have to do things. You dont have to, I will never force you to do anything you dont want to.

I didnt want to look cool, didnt want to have top grades, I didnt want to dream. I am a simple person with a simple want, you. Why would I care whether Im cool or top grades? Those things cant make me happy, its so common, everywhere I turn, I see people with aces and good looking people.

Gifts to you, were things that remind me of you. Im not good with words, I never was, in fact, I suck balls at talking to people. So I thought that if you knew that you were always the one in my head, in the morning, in the afternoon, in the night, in my dreams, it was always you, no one else.
I know its too late to tell you this. And I write it here and not in a letter because I want my friends to see, what an idiot I have been, and that if I had a chance, I'd turn back time.

I did some homework, and I asked a few friends from co-ed schools, they said it was really hard for someone to believe such pure intentions, but Im not from a co-ed school, I am sincere and I have no hidden agenda. My feelings are written on the sticker on my forehead.

I respect your decision, and pulled myself together to smile at you without anything spilling out from the corners. I didnt want you to worry, I wanted you to be happy. Asking me to hurt you, is like asking for the world. Why would I want you to cry, when all I've been working so hard for was to see you smile?

Ive been breaking so many promises to myself, I promised myself that your birthday present was the last thing I would put what was left of my heart into it for you.

And what Im terrified of is the fact that dreams will stop being dreams and start turning into reality. I dont want to feel guilty, Im overprotective over who I love.

Okay okay your answer stops here. It's all I ever wanted to say to you, but didnt get my chance. I was a faggot,

I had a long talk with lesley yesterday, all the way til 12am. He makes me see black where there was once white. What was once a perfect canvas, is now distorted. Ley doesnt want to destroy my world, that I understand, he doesnt want me to look at people with such cold eyes.

I am really heartless and lifeless, hahaha, my heart was thrown away, my world is wrecked, my aims in disarray. But even when all this was happening, I loved it. Because I love nothing more then to be told the truth. And ley spoke nothing but the truth to me.

CSAS draft tomorrow. I thank God, I just have to polish it tonight.

EVERYONE including kailan thomas, is TOTALLY misunderstanding the nicknames. Hahahahaha! Its the same person, it has always been the same person.

Okay, ciao. I am not angry with you ley, you've been a true friend. Thanks buddy!